Melvin Murder-Moose

Melvin Murder-Moose

Murder-Moose holding the jersey of his beloved former owner Daria Guava-Fresca.
No. 67 – Colorado Yeti
Position:	Linebacker
Personal information
Born:	(2032-06-13)June 13, 2032 (aged 28) Newberry, Michigan
Height:	6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)
Weight:	230 lb (104 kg)
Career information
College:	Michigan
Career history
Roster status:	Retired

Melvin Murder-Moose (born June 13, 2032) was an American football linebacker for the Colorado Yeti of the International Simulation Football League (ISFL).

Early Years

Melvin the Moose was born in Newberry, Michigan, and like most moose he lived out his days in the isolated woods in the area. As he would wander, he would venture across the landscape of northern Michigan. He did not think much about life outside of his area in the upper peninsula, but that would change when he would meet a young superstar kicker, Daria Guava-Fresca. As Daria ventured into Michigan to join the Michigan Wolverines football team, she would spend her free time and spare moments wandering the forests and connecting with nature in the upper peninsula of Michigan. On one such trip, Daria ventured to find Melvin sitting in the woods. Recognizing his beauty and majesty, Daria became determined to make Melvin her new best friend. Together, the two spent many days hiking and venturing through the woods of the north. While companionship with a human was new to Melvin, Guava-Fresca would grow used to unusual companions in her football career. After many weeks of hanging with one another, Melvin became an inspiration to Daria and would continue to stay with her throughout her college and professional career.

College Career

While Daria continued to play for the Michigan Wolverines, Melvin would watch every game from the sidelines. Most of the team were terrified of this massive moose who would make his way into the football arena, but for coach Harbaugh, it wasn't that unusual. Melvin watched as Daria practiced as a kicker, and would continue to bellow as his way of cheering her on throughout practices and games. During her college career, Daria and Melvin became inseparable, and when there were a few roughing the kicker calls made, it was very clear that Melvin would continue to be a protector, as well as a friend for Guava-Fresca. As intimidations go, Melvin the moose made sure to leer down the opposing team, which became especially frightening as a moose will spend the month of September shedding their antler velvet. The bloodied mess atop Melvin's head made for an extra sensational component when he would come charging down the field toward other players.

Developmental Career

Tragedy struck Daria Guava-Fresca after her first season in the DSFL. When Melvin tragically murdered her, he let it be known that he was going to take over her identity, and her career. Instead of Daria being drafted, it was Melvin. Instead of Daria winning awards, it was Melvin. After being drafted to the Colorado Yeti, Melvin continued to stay down in the DSFL for a second season. The Yeti were determined to let Melvin continue to grow and learn more before being called up. During this time, Melvin continued his stint as the starting (and only) kicker and punter for the Norfolk Seawolves. This season the Murder-Moose did his best to be able to live up to the Guava-Fresca name and championship title of Kicker of the Year, but the year began with a very rough start. Melvin continued to miss field goals and extra points, and while the Seawolves were dominating, the field goal streak that Guava-Fresca was known for in her early career did not get passed to her beloved moose pet.

In the 5th week of games, Murder-Moose was awarded the gameball for Offensive Player of the Game against the Kansas City Coyotes. Continuing to keep the Coyotes pinned throughout the game, Murder-Moose had one of his better punting games this season, landing 200 total yards, and a massive 59 yard punt. Throughout the season, Murder-Moose would continue to do more punting, ending with a large average of punts, and a few massive punts for 70 yards.

Through a rough season, the Seawolves managed to clinch a playoff spot, and fought with Tijuana to the very end for that coveted home field advantage position. While they had suffered through two season losses to Tijuana, the Seawolves, and Melvin especially, would not let them take their Ultimini chance away. As true underdogs, the Seawolves defeated Tijuana in the fight for divisional champions with an overtime field goal made by Melvin. Celebrating, the Norfolk team willingly gave Melvin a game ball, and cake, knowing what might happen if they hadn't. While the Seawolves would lose in a close match to London, Melvin continued to make big plays for them throughout the end of the Ultimini.

Pre-draft measurables

Ht	Wt	40‑yd dash	20‑ss	3‑cone	Vert jump	Broad	BP	Wonderlic
6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)	230 lb (104 kg)	5.98 s	5.55 s	8.38 s	18.4 in (0.47 m)	4 ft 9.8 in (1.47 m)	3 reps	20

Developmental League Career Statistics

Career statistics			Extra Points			Field Goals									Punts
Season	Team	Games	XPM	XPA	XP%	FGM	FGA	FG%	<20	20-29	30-39	40-49	50+	Lng	Punts	Yds	Avg	Inside 20	Long
2038 (S23)	Seawolves	14	32	33	97	22	25	88	1/1	4/4	6/8	9/10	2/2	54	69	3070	44.5	11	62
2039 (S24)	Seawolves	14	25	27	92.6	21	26	80.8	0/0	9/9	8/8	4/6	0/3	45	65	3051	46.9	5	71

Professional Career

Throughout his career Melvin has begun to distinguish himself as one of the best linebackers within the ISFL. Between setting multiple season records, especially with forced fumbles and fumble recoveries for a defensive player, Melvin continues to dominate despite his old age.

2040

Melvin's rookie season in the ISFL and with the Colorado Yeti was already colored as his friend and mentor, Bubba Thumper, and former general manager Peter Brand left during the previous offseason to begin an expansion team in New York. Despite this, Melvin set out to prove himself, and to try and become as incredible as Colorado legend, Mo Berry, was. Melvin's hard work paid off, and he was able to get two defensive touchdowns his first season. Between this and his other accomplishments he was able to create a season that was worthy of Linebacker of the Year nominations, as well as winning the Defensive Rookie of the Year award. This in addition to a pro bowl appearance was the icing on the cake (haha, get it), to an otherwise incredible season. While the Yeti lost to the San Jose Sabercats in the Ultimus for the second time in a row, Melvin's spirits remained high as he continued to share the line with his best friend Adelie de Pengu.

2041

Melvin's second season on the Colorado Yeti was very much similar to his first. He had improved tremendously in tackles, slightly in sacks, and just continued to be a hype moose for the rest of the team. While Colorado had a slightly down season, just barely missing playoffs with the same record as Sarasota, they were resolved to pick things up again for the future. Melvin's stats were not quite amazing enough for him to be graced with yet another award, but he was able to get another spot on the pro-bowl team. This offered Melvin quite a bit of entertainment during the offseason, and it would end up being quite the largest and most important offseason of his career, to be honest. As protocol within the league began to change, Melvin found himself suddenly wondering if management was right for him. While he never thought that he would actually have an interest in it, Melvin found himself suddenly talking with head manager Sylvester in order to determine his future as a manager and player of the team.

2042

Switching to management was a bit of a shock for Melvin at first, and it didn't help that there were so many other changes happening as well. Melvin looked toward making his performance on the field match his performance off the field, and to say he didn't disappoint is a bit of an understatement. Melvin was able to bring home 19 sacks, and another defensive touchdown, bringing his total to three. If he kept this pace up, Melvin would be solidified for years to come (however, moose are notoriously bad at catching things, so Melvin has not received any further defensive touchdowns). He did begin his showing of forced fumbles this season, however, earning four. This on the field performance was enough to make the pro bowl committee take notice, and Melvin found himself with his third nomination in three seasons. What an incredible way to start his first season as player and manager.

2043

As Melvin continued management, he found that he wanted to create more opportunities to give back to the community. Melvin used this opportunity to create a charity event in which he auctioned off a date with his best friend, Adelie de Pengu. Additionally, Melvin spent time during the offseason and when he wasn't playing, practicing, or looking at tape, to make sure that he was able volunteer at the local schools and help their coaches, as well as help out at the soup kitchen by providing an endless buffet of cake. Indeed, cake and Melvin's image associated with cake, became such an important part of his life that he continued to spend more and more time working with companies trying to revamp the horrid past the murder-moose had generated. While Melvin's on the field performance managed to get him another pro bowl nomination, this would spark the beginning of his dry spell both on the field, and off the field.

2044

The 29th season of the ISFL proved to be a pretty alright one for the Colorado Yeti. Melvin himself began to gain traction with his forced fumbles, but once more it was his off the field accomplishments that were really the most important part for him. During this time, Melvin began questioning when he might want to take a break, when should he begin to look at other sports, and really, is there something out there that could be better than football. With the offseason just around the corner, Melvin finished out their playoff loss with a trip to Sweden, where he spent time with his cousins and underwent the great Moose Migration. While it required some fancy traveling as it occurred during the football season, one thing was clear for Melvin. He also wanted to try his hand at hockey as well. With a mis-translation of his name (apparently murder came out like majestik in Sweden), he found himself entering a new sport. Many people wondered what the impact would be for Melvin as he continued to play football and hockey, but his on the field performance didn't dwindle too much, and in fact, this was the start of Melvin's turnaround.

2045

I'm sure some stuff happened this season, but honestly who is going to read this to find out. Moose was more focused on hockey than football.

2047

Melvin was technically inactive during this season because it meant that after regression he'd be cheaper for the team, so there isn't much to say. He didn't do a lot. Oh, he did quit being the GM during this season. Life literally was kicking his ass, so he stepped down after crying enough tears to fill the South Platte River.

2048

While Melvin began a heavy decline of his abilities, and indeed had a season where he didn't push himself at all during the season, the 33rd season of the ISFL was one quite unlike any other. During this season, Melvin just got pissed at everything, and it showed on the field. Instead of just sacking quarterbacks left and right, he was also becoming know for tearing the ball out of anyone and everyone's hands. With a record-breaking 12 forced fumbles during the season, and 8 fumble recoveries (the most by a defensive player, and putting Melvin on par with only quarterbacks in reality), Melvin became one fearsome creature. As he ended the season it seemed inevitable that he would be placed on the probowl ballot, as well as receiving nominations for linebacker of the year, defensive player of the year, and most valuable player. Would Melvin go on to win any of these awards? That's a tale for another offseason wiki point task.

2049

Honestly, there wasn't much that happened for Melvin this year. Many of his teammates started to retire and were going to be done at the end of the season, and after winning MVP and being, well like 17 years old, Melvin just realized that he was way too old to keep playing football. So he kind of forgot that he wasn't actually retiring at the end of the season like the rest of his peers. The Yeti themselves weren't doing so great as a team, and Melvin got some stats, but being the old man that he is, it wasn't as many as he would have liked. He ended up getting another 14 sacks and a few more interceptions and even a safety, but truly, he could see that the end was on the horizon for the old moose. As he reflected about his career, hanging out with good friends Bjorn Ironside, Lady Ironside, and Adelie de Pengu, Melvin realized that it was almost time to call it quits. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to go out, but he knew it wasn't going to be pretty.

2049

There were a lot of changes on the field this season, new friends that were called up and old friends that retired and may their way off the field. However, Melvin continued trucking just like he had before. While the old man struggled with sacks like before, he still managed to get double digits and hit 11 during the season. His bones ached a little more as he played, and he would often complain when he got off of the field. As it stands, though, he remained the record holder for sacks and forced fumbles, and it was something he was honestly so proud of that it powered him through, and when the team asked the old man if he had one more season left in him, he said "yeah alright I guess." He spent that time looking forward to the draft and the offseason. They brought in a lot of great new friends as the season ended, and instead of being sad about the fact that his time was almost over, he looked forward to riding the cushy benches that mentor and friend Bubba Thumper helped put in.

Professional League Career Statistics

Career statistics			Defensive Statistics
Season	Team	Games	Tck	TFLs	Sack	PD	Int	Sfty	DefTD	FFum	FRec	Blk Pnt	Blk XP	Blk FG
2040 (S25)	Yeti	16	85	0	10	19	4	0	2	0	0	0	0	0
2041 (S26)	Yeti	16	102	2	12	19	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
2042 (S27)	Yeti	16	102	5	19	15	2	1	1	4	2	0	0	0
2043 (S28)	Yeti	16	104	3	17	9	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
2044 (S29)	Yeti	16	87	3	11	9	0	0	0	4	1	0	0	0
2045 (S30)	Yeti	16	97	3	9	6	0	0	0	3	0	0	0	0
2046 (S31)	Yeti	16	106	5	15	5	0	0	0	4	0	0	0	0
2047 (S32)	Yeti	16	153	6	8	14	0	0	0	5	3	0	0	0
2048 (S33)	Yeti	16	129	7	18	14	0	0	0	12	8	0	0	0
2049 (S34)	Yeti	16	93	8	14	8	2	1	0	4	3	0	0	0
2050 (S35)	Yeti	16	107	4	11	7	1	0	0	4	0	0	0	0
2051 (S36)	Yeti	16	85	12	8	6	0	1	0	1	0	0	0	0
Career	Yeti	192	1250	58	152	122	11	3	3	41	17	0	0	0
League Rank	Yeti	-	5	38	1	62	167	9	67	1	10	138	5	28

Developmental Achievements and Records

Team

• Ultimini Champion (1), 2038
• Ultimini Appearance (1), 2039

Individual

• Pro-Bowl Kicker and Punter: 2038
• Kicker of the Year: 2038

Professional Achievements and Records

Team

• Ultimus Appearance (2), 2040, 2047

Individual Awards

• Pro Bowl: 2040, 2041, 2042, 2043, 2048
• Defensive Rookie of the Year: 2040
• Linebacker of the Year: 2042, 2048
• Defensive Player of the Year: 2042
• Defensive Performance of the Year: 2042
• Most Outstanding Player: 2048
• Most Valuable Player: 2048

Season Records Broken

• 2048 Forced Fumbles - 12
• 2048 Defensive Rumbles Recovered - 8

Career Records Broken

• 2048 - #1 in Defensive Forced Fumbles
• 2049 - #1 in Defensive Sacks