Thomas Passmann
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| No. 22 – Tijuana Luchadores | |
|---|---|
| Position: | Wide Receiver |
| Personal information | |
| Born: | June 6, 2006 (aged 56) Dar es Salaam, Tanzania |
| Height: | 6 ft 3 in (1.91 m) |
| Weight: | 217 lb (98 kg) |
| Career information | |
| College: | Hogwarts School of Magic |
| DSFL Draft: | 2016 / Round: 5 / Pick: 36 |
| Career history | |
| Roster status: | Active |
Thomas Passmann (born June 6, 1996) is an American football wide receiver for the Tijuana Luchadores of the Developmental Simulation Football League (DSFL).
Contents
Early years
Little is known about Thomas Passmann's early life. In fact, there are very few records that prove his existence, other than a sole photo of him playing football in front of a graveyard, estimated to be taken around the age of 12. Rumors are that Passmann willingly contracted vampirism some time in his early teens, and was drawn to the lifestyle by his strong fascination with death. His parents shunned him from his family after discovering his morbid interests, but they mysteriously disappeared a few months later. Presumed dead. His newfound vampirism enhanced his athleticism, and seeing an opportunity to have easy access to crowds of people, Passmann decided to pursue a football career.
College career
Hogwarts School of Magic is better known for its quidditch team, but it has a bit of an underground football team. The spells of opposing wizards were no match for Passmann's enhanced vampiric strength, and he plowed through the competition with ease. When scouting footage got out, Tommy Helanen's agent picked up on it and made a few phone calls to Passmann. The agent expressed interest, but also the intent to finish out his current client's career first before taking on any new protege. Helanen conveniently died of a heart attack a few days later, and Passmann signed with the agent. Passmann declared for the DSFL draft a few days later.
College career statistics
| Receiving | Rushing | |||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Season | Team | GP | Rec | Yds | Avg | Long | TD | Att | Yds | Avg | Long | TD |
| 2017 (S2) | ISFL | 14 | 81 | 1315 | 16.2 | 19 | 12 | 4 | 39 | 9.8 | 18 | 0 |
Professional career
DSFL career
On the backing of strong praise from a veteran agent, Thomas Passmann was drafted 36th overall in the DSFL Entry Draft by the Tijuana Luchadores in spite of being an open Satanist and widespread suspicions of him being a vampire. Surprisingly, the Luchadores were not even the only team to express interest in him. Passmann started out strong, even having the highest receiving yards in the league at the beginning of his career. He has since lost that title, but has had a knack for finding himself in the midst of trouble. His entire season has been mired in controversy, with the FBI and local Tijuana law enforcement reportedly closing in on him. Passmann was spotted by both media and FBI surveillance making a long journey to California after stuffing a human-sized duffel bag in his car. Evidence was also obtained that Passmann was tampering with the world's toilet paper supply to plunge society into chaos, and strange writings in the Tijuana locker room proclaiming "KILL THEM ALL", among other things, were linked to the wide receiver. Citizens of Tijuana demanded that Passmann was locked up, and this protest even resulted in a trending Twitter hashtag. This culminated in Passmann being arrested on charges of first degree murder on March 22nd, but somehow he was able to find some blood money to post his massive bail and return to the field for the playoffs.
| Ht | Wt | 40‑yd dash | 20‑ss | 3‑cone | Vert jump | Broad |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 6 ft 3 in (1.91 m) |
217 lb (98 kg) |
4.16 s | 3.78 s | 6.20 s | 56 in (1.42 m) |
14 ft 5 in (4.39 m) |
Professional career statistics
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Achievements and records
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