Stumpy Jones

Stumpy Jones

An image of me at my happiness
No. 35 – Portland Pythons
Position:	Offensive Lineman
Personal information
Born:	(1950-02-22)February 22, 1950 (aged 112) Olympia, Washington, U.S.
Height:	6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)
Weight:	350 lb (159 kg)
Username:	Footballiscool
Career information
High school:	Homeschool
College:	The Evergreen State College
Career history
Roster status:	Active

Stumpy Jones (born February 22, 1950) is an American football offensive lineman who is currently preparing to enter the professional ranks.He played college football for The Evergreen State College (TESC) and has declared his intent to enter the professional ranks next season.

Early years

Well, my roots are in Olympia Washington. Supposidely, my parents are from the Oregon area but the stork literally dropped me off in Olympia Washington. I've developed strong roots in the community providing much needed support for my fellow woodland friends and transitioned into being a sturdy frame to provide a jungle gym for the neighborhood children as the neighborhood changed. The sixties were an interesting time, people started randomly knitting me scafts and mittens for my branches to keep me warm during winter...It was nice, but I wanted to say ""excuse me, I'm a tree give that to someone who needs it."" the 70s were full of upset people protesting ""the war"" and they eventually got sick on disco fever. The 80s were weird...drugs officially became a problem and it started to hit our community hard. The community had officially changed from being a forest and nice suburben area and had now become an urban jungle, all of my friends had fled. As did it, I decided to get an education to escape the community that I had known and loved.

College career

I actually started my time at ye' ol' Evergreen College by attending classes for english as a second language. When going into the guidance counsellors office they actually suggested that I go into forestry. I took a few classes and enjoyed it. While studying forestry, I had seen a flyer on a buillten board between classes for try-outs for the football team. This immediatly brought me back to my younger days I always was so envious of all of the children that were playing this game in the field next to our forest community called football and was so excited to finally try it out. Upon arriving at the field, the coach immediatly knew where to place me. He noticed that I was a "thick and sturdy boi". I started out doing the basics being on the practice team for the opposing defensive linemen to try and bull rush their way past me. Coach Roberts gave me a tips on how to handle the bullrush and how to not let defensive ends from going around me and the idea took root, I never actually played during college I only ever made the practice squad but I'm greatful for the opportunities it allowed me.

College career statistics

Use this page to get the stats table template.

Professional career

DSFL career

-S27-Drafted to the Portland Pythons. Stumpy Jones was drafted by the Portland Pythons with the 31st overall pick in the S27 DSFL draft, along side fellow pythons taken in the draft are Linebacker Xavier Walls (7 OA), Safety Remus Roman ((15OA), Linebacker Gritt Gurdur (23OA), Tight End Phillip Weaver (39OA), Offensive Lineman Tay Heenie (47OA), Running man Aleksandr Vasiliev (55OA) and Wide Receiver Kenzie Cupz (63OA). Stumpy Jones Took a liking to the locker room culture, and the Portland Pythons had an outstanding season. The S27 Portland Pythons had a dominating season 27 regular season. In fourteen games the pythons had eleven wins, three losses and outscored opponents by a margin of 157 points. All regular season losses for the pythons came at home and came against the London Royals (2pts), the Minnesota Grey Ducks (3 points) and the largest loss of the season came against the Dallas Birddogs in week six (13 points). Stumpy Jones had a breakout season winning offensive linemen of the year for the DSFL with 67 pancakes which was most in the league, 1 sack allowed and had 2 penalties for 15 total yards. The most pancakes came in that loss against the Dallas Birddogs in week 6. The Pythons would lose in the first round of the playoffs to the Kansas City Coyotes. Stumpy Jones would have a game leading 9 pancakes which was the most for a DSFL playoff game in season 27 and would stand as the record until season 30.

Pre-draft measurables

Ht	Wt	40‑yd dash	20‑ss	3‑cone	Vert jump	Broad	BP
6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)	350 lb (159 kg)	Tree s	Tree s	Tree s	Tree	Tree Tree	Thick reps

ISFL career

-S28- Stumpy Jones was Drafted to the Sarasota Sailfish in the Season 28 International Simulation Football League Draft with the fourth pick in the second round or 18th overall. Stumpy Jones was drafted alongside Safety Kelvin Harris (28OA) and fellow Python Saleem Spence with the 31st pick. Stumpy Jones was called up immediately to sink or swim in the fish nation and he found himself as a slight liability on offense. Stumpy Jones recorded a career high 7 sacks allowed and a career low 70 pancakes however that did not prevent the sailfish from making the playoffs. The Sailfish recorded a record of 10-6-0 giving them third place in the NSFC and a spot in the playoffs. Stumpy Jones' best regular season performance came in a 10-17 loss against Berlin Fire salamander where Stumpy Jones recorded a season high 7 pancakes and 1 sack allowed. Stumpy would end the season with two penalties for 15 total yard that occurred in a 26 to 14 win over the Baltimore Hawks. The Sailfish would lose in the first round of the playoff to the eventual S28 Champions Yellow Knife Wraiths by a score of 23 to 14 a game where Stumpy Jones was mediocre with a stat line of one pancake, and a singular penalty for 5 yards.

-S29- After Stumpy Jones had a rough start in his rookie season of season 28, Stumpy went on to have significant improvement at the offensive linemen position. Stumpy ended up increasing his pancake total to 106 a jump of 36 from the season prior, which was ranked eleventh for the season. Stumpy also had a reduction of sacks allowed to just a measly 2 sacks allowed. One of these two sacks allowed came in a week three game against the Baltimore Hawks along side a ten yard penalty, this game Sarasota cruised to a 37-3 win. Stumpy accumulated 42 yards on 6 penalties during season 29. Stumpy really starting finding his groove starting in the week 10 game against the Honolulu Hahalua. This comes from watching the movie Waterboy with the team to keep them out of trouble while in Hawaii. Stumpy learned the art of visualize and attack. Stumpy gained an edge, a mean edge and his wrath was shown this game he set the tone with a 7 yard penalty and then proceeded to steam roll over his opponents yielding 11 pancakes, 7 yard penalty. This aggression was not without it's faults. Stumpy did whiff on an attempted pancake but outside linebacker put on a solid move allowing himself free reign to sack Mike Boss Jr. Sarasota ended the season with a record of 11-5-0 good enough for a 3rd seed in the NSFC entering into the playoffs. The Sailfish took care of business against Chicago in the first round of the S29 playoffs winning 33-13, Stumpy had a solid 7 pancake game with no other notable stats. The Sailfish ended up losing in the 2nd round of the S29 playoffs to the Berlin Fire Salamanders in a heartbreaking 23-20 loss. Stumpy had a solid game accumulating 11 pancakes and a ten yard penalty.

-S30- Season 30 was about as ideal of a season you could have as an offensive linemen. Stumpy Jones' accumulated a total of 129 pancakes, had 0 sacks allowed and 4 penalties for 35 yards. The regular season for the Sailfish ended with an 11-5-0 record which was good enough for the first seed in the NSFC and a first round playoff bye. The Sailfish would have a rematch against the Berlin Fire Salamanders which the Sailfish would win 30-24 while fighting off a fourth quarter surge by the Fire Salamanders. Stumpy would record 7 pancakes in that game with no other notable stats. The Sailfish would then play the red hot Arizona Outlaws in the Finals. The Sailfish prevailed with a final score of 27-10. Stumpy Jones would have a 5 yard penalty in this game as well as 5 pancakes but got to Lift the Trophy in a season that is still surreal! Stumpy went on to win Offensive Linemen of the year for the International Simulation Football League as well as be named a unanimous All-Pro 1st team selection.

-S31- After coming off of a monstrous season 30 Stumpy saw a slight dip in production. Stumpy Jones ended the regular season with a total of 118 pancakes this was third most for that season as well as having 0 sacks allowed for another season and three penalties for a total of 25 yards all coming against the Baltimore Hawks. Stumpy would have his best game yet against the Berlin Fire Salamanders in week 2 obtaining a stat line of 13 pancakes which is a career high, 0 sacks allowed and 0 penalties. The Sailfish finished the season with a 10-6-0 record thanks to an end of season surge. This was good enough for 2nd place in the NSFC going into the playoffs. The Sailfish would lose to the Chicago Butchers in the first round of the playoffs with a score of 23-13. Stumpy would have a clean game of 0 penalties alongside 9 pancakes. Stumpy would again receive an All-Pro 1st team selection.

-S32- Stumpy would continue to see a lessening in his production. Stumpy Jones ended the regular season with a total of 110 pancakes which was fifth most for the 32nd season. Stumpy Jones also ended the season with 0 sacks allowed which would be the third season in a row without a sack allowed. Stumpy would finish the season with 30 total penalty yards on 4 penalties. Stumpy Jones recorded a 4 yard reception in week 2 loss against the Baltimore Hawks, and an 18 yard reception in week 4 win against Chicago. The Sarasota Sailfish finished the season with a 9-7-0 record which was just enough to sneak into the playoffs thanks to a 5 game end of season winning streak for the Sailfish and an end of season 5 game losing streak for the Yeti who were on the outside looking in with a 7-9 record. The Sailfish would face-off against the Berlin Fire Salamanders in the first round of the S32 Playoffs where the Sailfish would suffer their worse defeat in the playoffs in a long time. Losing to the Fire Salamanders with a score of 17-34. Stumpy would go on to have another steady performance in the playoffs having an 8 pancake day with 0 sacks allowed and 0 penalties. Stumpy would again receive an All-Pro 1st team selection.

-S33- Another season would come and go and Stumpy would continue to see a decline in pancake production. Stumpy Jones would end the regular season with a total of 109 pancakes which was ranked ninth of all offensive linemen for the 33rd season. Stumpy would once again continue his streak of not letting up a sack for the fourth consecutive season. Stumpy Jones had 4 penalties in season 33 for a total of 25 yards. Stumpy Jones would also have the only game of his career where there were 0 recordable stats. The week 9 game against the Arizona Outlaws Stumpy Jones had 0 penalties, 0 pancakes, 0 sacks allowed and did not even register in the stat book. The Sarasota Sailfish would end the regular season in 1st place of the NSFC with a record of 12-4-0, netting a first round bye. The Sailfish lose to the eventual S33 Champion Baltimore Hawks in the second round in a 24-30 game that sounded a lot closer than it actually was. Stumpy Jones would have another solid playoff performance with 7 pancakes, 0 sacks allowed and 0 penalties. This would be the first time in 4 seasons that Stumpy did not make the All-Pro let alone the All-Pro 1st team.

-S34- Stumpy would see a renaissance after a few down seasons. Stumpy would log a career high 138 pancakes which would be tied all time for third most in a single season by a human offensive lineman and tied with Bernie Sanders for the most in this season by a human offensive lineman. Stumpy would also have a personal best season by having zero penalties across all sixteen games of the regular season. However With this clean game play, Stumpy would give up a sack and tarnish his 4 consecutive seasons of having zero sacks allowed. Sarasota would continue their streak of making the playoffs having a record of 10-5-1, which was good enough for third place in the NSFC. Stumpy's performance in the playoffs was brief. Sarasota would play the Berlin Fire Salamanders and be eliminated by a score of 35-10. Stumpy's playoff performance was modest having 5 pancakes, 0 sacks allowed and 0 penalties. Stumpy Jones would go on to win his second offensive lineman of the year award with his stellar performance and be once again was awarded 1st Team All-Pro.

-S35-

Stumpy would continue to perform at a peak level. Stumpy would log a career second best 136 pancakes which would be tied with a season 31 Alexander Franklin all time for sixth most in a single season by a human offensive lineman, Stumpy would also return to form in protection not allowing a single sack for the entire season. Stumpy would also have a solid season in the realm of penalties only having three total for a total of fifteen yards. Sarasota had a strong start of the season going 5-2 in the first 7 games of the season. However the back half of the season would be brutal for them going 2-7 for a total record of 7-9. This would be the first time in Stumpy's career being on a losing record and missing the playoffs. Stumpy Jones would go on to win his third offensive lineman of the year award with his solid performance and would be awarded Unanimous 1st team All-Pro. To my knowledge the league is doing away with positional awards, which is sad for offensive linemen.

-S36-

Stumpy once again would continue to perform a top the league in regards to offensive linemen. Stumpy would record his third best season netting 129 pancakes which tied himself for sixteenth most pancakes in a season. Stumpy would also go on to record another season where he was not responsible for any sacks. Stumpy did have a single penalty for five yards which was recorded in the final game of the season against the Baltimore hawks. The Sarasota Sailfish would go onto having a very strong season finishing 12-4 having the second best record in the league. For Stumpy it felt right being back in the playoffs and had a lot to prove after missing last season. Stumpy and the Sailfish would make a push for the Finals recording 17 pancakes in the first two games combined. Sarasota would then play in the what is known as the Fish bowl. Playing against the Defending Champions the Honolulu Hahalua. Sarasota would fall short losing the finals 31-28 on a touchdown in the final 90 seconds of play. It was heartbreaking for Stumpy who played his heart out recorded 11 more pancakes in that finals yielding 28 pancakes in this playoff push. In a weird season where the guild that awarded individual player awards, decided to dissolve and be no more. Stumpy would have won his fourth offensive lineman of the year award as the offensive lineman with far and away the most pancakes, 0 sacks allowed and only 1 penalty had the award still existed. The "replacement" which already existed is the All-Pro. Where Stumpy would go on to be awarded another Unanimous 1st team All-Pro.

Professional career statistics

Career statistics			Offensive Line
Season	Team	Games	Pancakes	Sacks Allowed
2042 (S27)	Pythons	14	67	1
2043 (S28)	Sailfish	16	70	7
2044 (S29)	Sailfish	16	106	2
2045 (S30)	Sailfish	16	129	0
2046 (S31)	Sailfish	16	118	0
2047 (S32)	Sailfish	16	110	0
2048 (S33)	Sailfish	16	109	0
2049 (S34)	Sailfish	16	138	1
2050 (S35)	Sailfish	16	136	0
2051 (S36)	Sailfish	16	129	0

Achievements and records

Use this section as an example.

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