Spicy Ron
 |
 Spicy Ron, using a fellow peewee league teammate as a human shield | |
| No. 7 – Austin Copperheads | |
|---|---|
| Position: | Linebacker |
| Personal information | |
| Born: | April 5, 2023 (aged 39) Cleveland, Ohio, U.S. |
| Height: | 5 ft 9 in (1.75 m) |
| Weight: | 200 lb (91 kg) |
| Username: | Pugwalrus |
| Career information | |
| College: | Kent State University |
| ISFL Draft: | 2047 / Round: 1 / Pick: 13 |
| DSFL Draft: | 2046 / Round: 2 / Pick: 13 |
| Career history | |
| Roster status: | Active |
Spicy Ron (born April 5, 2025) is an American football linebacker who is currently preparing to enter the professional ranks. He played college football for Kent State University and has declared his intent to enter the professional ranks next season.
Contents
Early years
Spicy Ron, coached personally by the famous "Three Year Letterman" never actually played football in school. Instead, he joined Letterman's local peewee league starting at the age of 8, all the way until age 22. During his peewee league tenure he racked up 10398 tackles, 8404 TFL, 7281 sacks, 824 interceptions, and 17 confirmed kills. Letterman received harsh criticism from both the local parents, and the FBI. Letterman kept Ron on his roster due to a loophole in the rules that Ron was granfathered into. The duo won 12 championship rings together before Ron decided he beat up enough 8-year-olds to take his talents to the DSFL and ISFL. Occasionally he does return to Letterman's team to help fill in whenever someone has a stomach ache. Bringing the brutal strength of a 22 year old man to the playing field, and helping Letterman obtain enough rings to make opening doorknobs difficult.
College career
Ron never actually played football in college, instead taking his talents to dodgeball as a Captain of Kent State's NCDA team. During his college tenure he was still playing with Letterman's peewee league team, and did not even attempt to join Kent State's actual dodgeball team. Kent State's Dodgeball team, however, would go on to be the #3 ranked team in the country, making several deep National Tournament runs. Unfortunately, Covid-19 struck the country when Ron was in his Junior year. Despite this, he was named a captain of the team. But was unable to actually play games due to Covid precautions. Kent State did still attempt to recruit them into their ranks, as they won their first ever bowl game against Jordan Love's Utah State team. But Ron refused, stating he was simply "built different". Many remain baffled as to how Ron managed to become a scouted DSFL prospect despite only having beaten up 8 year olds for over 14 years, but some suspect Letterman may have pulled a few strings for him behind the scenes.
| Career statistics | Defense | ||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Season | Team | Games | Idiots Wrecked In Dodgeball | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 2025 (S10) | Wraiths | 73 | Countless | 0 | 0/0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
DSFL
Spicy Ron was drafted 13th overall in the S31 DSFL draft by the Portland Pythons, and drafted 13th overall in the S32 ISFL draft by the Austin Copperheads
| Ht | Wt | 40‑yd dash | 20‑ss | 3‑cone | Vert jump | Broad | BP | Wonderlic |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 5 ft 9 in (1.75 m) |
200 lb (91 kg) |
5hrs s | 35min s | 10min s | 240" | 5 ft 9 in (1.75 m) |
570lbs reps | -43 |
Professional Career Statistics
DSFL
| Career statistics | Defense | ||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Season | Team | Games | Tck | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 2046 (S31) | Portland Pythons | 14 | 82 | 11 | 5/2 | 10 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| 2047 (S32) | Portland Pythons | 14 | 128 | 8 | 1/0 | 10 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| Career Totals | 28 | 210 | 19 | 6/2 | 20 | 1 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0/0/0 | |
Playoff Statistics
| DSFL Playoff statistics | |||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Games Played | Tck | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 2 | 15 | 0 | 0/0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
ISFL
S33
Ron's first ISFL season was a relatively quiet one. As a lower TPE player on a deep LB roster, Ron was mostly reserved to the nose tackle role on 3-3-5 sets, with occasional appearances at MLB. Ron ended the season with 54 tackles and 3 sacks. With a career-high 7 passes deflected as well. Austin made the playoffs in Ron's first season with an 8-8 record. However, they went one and done against the Orange County Otters, who would go on to lose in the Ultimus to the Baltimore Hawks.
S34
Ron's 2nd season saw him getting a nomination for Defensive Breakout Player of The Year. Improving his stats almost universally across the board, and achieving career highs in tackles, sacks, TFLs, and PDs. Ron took over as the primary linebacker for the Austin Copperheads, and saw much more usage than his first season, which had him playing much more defensive line than linebacker. Ron also recorded his first two defensive touchdowns, and his first ever safety, which saw him rack up more points than a solid handful of offensive skill players. Austin had fallen farther into regression this time around, and narrowly missed the playoffs in the final week of the season. Ron during this season however, became the GM of the Portland Pythons. A position on his DSFL team that took a chance on him. He made it a clear goal of his to bring Portland an Ultimini for the first time in ages. He would also be named as a defensive captain for Austin.
S35
In the offseason prior to S35, Ron's teammate Ioe Torrent would swap positions to linebacker in order to achieve higher stat lines and contribute more to the team. Ioe and Ron would both have great seasons in a rebuilding year for Austin. Despite the Copperheads' rough record, Ron would break several new-sim records during the year. Breaking the record for tackles for loss in a season with 18, and tackles in a single game with 18. This would earn him several nominations in categories such as Defensive Performance of The Year, and Linebacker of The Year. Ron would become a key player for the Copperheads going forward, as they needed to develop their young talent, and stock up on draft picks to acquire even more young talent. Despite an atrocious start to the year, the Copperheads saw themselves winning many more games later in the season, a signifier that the team was growing, and that the aging old guard was being replaced with bright young talent.
| Career statistics | Defense | ||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Season | Team | Games | Tck | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 2048 (S33) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 54 | 0 | 3/1 | 3 | 0 | 7 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| 2049 (S34) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 88 | 6 | 2/1 | 9 | 2 | 8 | 1 | 2 | 0/0/0 |
| 2050 (S35) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 127 | 18 | 2/1 | 7 | 1 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| Career Totals | 32 | 269 | 24 | 7/3 | 16 | 3 | 19 | 1 | 2 | 0/0/0 | |
Playoff Statistics
| ISFL Playoff statistics | |||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Games Played | Tck | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 1 | 3 | 0 | 0/0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
Achievements and records
Team
-S32 DSFL North Champion
-S32 DSFL Pro Bowl Winner
Individual
-S31 DSFL Defensive Rookie of The Year
-DSFL All-Pro x2 (S31, S32)
-DSFL Pro-Bowler x2 (S31, S32)
League Records
-DDSPF21 Sim Single-Game Tackle Record: 18 (W13 S35)
-DDSPF21 Sim Single-Season Tackles For Loss Record: 18 (S35)
Franchise Records
-Austin Copperheads DDSPF21 Sim Single-Season Tackle Record: 127 (S35)
-Portland Pythons DDSPF21 Sim Single-Season Tackle Record: 128 (S32)
-Portland Pythons DDSPF21 Sim Single-Game Playoff Tackle Record: 11 (S32)
Other Nominations
x2 DSFL Defensive Player of The Year Nominee (S31, S32)
x2 DSFL Linebacker of The Year Nominee (S31, S32)
x2 ISFL Defensive Breakout Player of The Year Nominee (S34, S35)
x1 ISFL Defensive Performance of The Year Nominee (S35)
x1 ISFL Linebacker of The Year Nominee (S35)
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