Spicy Ron
 Spicy Ron, using a fellow peewee league teammate as a human shield | |
| No. 7 – Austin Copperheads | |
|---|---|
| Position: | Linebacker |
| Personal information | |
| Born: | April 5, 2023 (aged 37) Cleveland, Ohio, U.S. |
| Height: | 5 ft 9 in (1.75 m) |
| Weight: | 200 lb (91 kg) |
| Username: | Pugwalrus |
| Career information | |
| College: | Kent State University |
| ISFL Draft: | 2047 / Round: 1 / Pick: 13 |
| DSFL Draft: | 2046 / Round: 2 / Pick: 13 |
| Career history | |
| Roster status: | Retired |
Spicy Ron (born April 5, 2025) was an American football linebacker. He played college football for Kent State University.
Contents
Early years
Spicy Ron, coached personally by the famous "Three Year Letterman" never actually played football in school. Instead, he joined Letterman's local peewee league starting at the age of 8, all the way until age 22. During his peewee league tenure he racked up 10398 tackles, 8404 TFL, 7281 sacks, 824 interceptions, and 17 confirmed kills. Letterman received harsh criticism from both the local parents, and the FBI. Letterman kept Ron on his roster due to a loophole in the rules that Ron was granfathered into. The duo won 12 championship rings together before Ron decided he beat up enough 8-year-olds to take his talents to the DSFL and ISFL. Occasionally he does return to Letterman's team to help fill in whenever someone has a stomach ache. Bringing the brutal strength of a 22 year old man to the playing field, and helping Letterman obtain enough rings to make opening doorknobs difficult.
College career
Ron never actually played football in college, instead taking his talents to dodgeball as a Captain of Kent State's NCDA team. During his college tenure he was still playing with Letterman's peewee league team, and did not even attempt to join Kent State's actual dodgeball team. Kent State's Dodgeball team, however, would go on to be the #3 ranked team in the country, making several deep National Tournament runs. Unfortunately, Covid-19 struck the country when Ron was in his Junior year. Despite this, he was named a captain of the team. But was unable to actually play games due to Covid precautions. Kent State did still attempt to recruit them into their ranks, as they won their first ever bowl game against Jordan Love's Utah State team. But Ron refused, stating he was simply "built different". Many remain baffled as to how Ron managed to become a scouted DSFL prospect despite only having beaten up 8 year olds for over 14 years, but some suspect Letterman may have pulled a few strings for him behind the scenes.
| Career statistics | Defense | ||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Season | Team | Games | Idiots Wrecked In Dodgeball | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 2025 (S10) | Wraiths | 73 | Countless | 0 | 0/0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
DSFL
Spicy Ron was drafted 13th overall in the S31 DSFL draft by the Portland Pythons, and drafted 13th overall in the S32 ISFL draft by the Austin Copperheads
| Ht | Wt | 40‑yd dash | 20‑ss | 3‑cone | Vert jump | Broad | BP | Wonderlic |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 5 ft 9 in (1.75 m) |
200 lb (91 kg) |
5hrs s | 35min s | 10min s | 240" | 5 ft 9 in (1.75 m) |
570lbs reps | -43 |
Professional Career Statistics
DSFL
| Career statistics | Defense | ||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Season | Team | Games | Tck | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 2046 (S31) | Portland Pythons | 14 | 82 | 11 | 5/2 | 10 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| 2047 (S32) | Portland Pythons | 14 | 128 | 8 | 1/0 | 10 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| Career Totals | 28 | 210 | 19 | 6/2 | 20 | 1 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0/0/0 | |
Playoff Statistics
| DSFL Playoff statistics | |||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Games Played | Tck | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 2 | 15 | 0 | 0/0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
ISFL
S33
Ron's first ISFL season was a relatively quiet one. As a lower TPE player on a deep LB roster, Ron was mostly reserved to the nose tackle role on 3-3-5 sets, with occasional appearances at MLB. Ron ended the season with 54 tackles and 3 sacks. With a career-high 7 passes deflected as well. Austin made the playoffs in Ron's first season with an 8-8 record. However, they went one and done against the Orange County Otters, who would go on to lose in the Ultimus to the Baltimore Hawks.
S34
Ron's 2nd season saw him getting a nomination for Defensive Breakout Player of The Year. Improving his stats almost universally across the board, and achieving career highs in tackles, sacks, TFLs, and PDs. Ron took over as the primary linebacker for the Austin Copperheads, and saw much more usage than his first season, which had him playing much more defensive line than linebacker. Ron also recorded his first two defensive touchdowns, and his first ever safety, which saw him rack up more points than a solid handful of offensive skill players. Austin had fallen farther into regression this time around, and narrowly missed the playoffs in the final week of the season. Ron during this season however, became the GM of the Portland Pythons. A position on his DSFL team that took a chance on him. He made it a clear goal of his to bring Portland an Ultimini for the first time in ages. He would also be named as a defensive captain for Austin.
S35
In the offseason prior to S35, Ron's teammate Ioe Torrent would swap positions to linebacker in order to achieve higher stat lines and contribute more to the team. Ioe and Ron would both have great seasons in a rebuilding year for Austin. Despite the Copperheads' rough record, Ron would break several new-sim records during the year. Breaking the record for tackles for loss in a season with 18, and tackles in a single game with 18. This would earn him several nominations in categories such as Defensive Performance of The Year, and Linebacker of The Year. Ron would become a key player for the Copperheads going forward, as they needed to develop their young talent, and stock up on draft picks to acquire even more young talent. Despite an atrocious start to the year, the Copperheads saw themselves winning many more games later in the season, a signifier that the team was growing, and that the aging old guard was being replaced with bright young talent.
S36
Another season would be spent developing Austin's young core, with Spicy Ron and Ioe Torrent serving as veteran leaders for the young core. Both players would go on to quietly have solid seasons once more. Austin's core would see progress from last season, winning 2 more games than before and just barely missing the playoffs. Despite another slow developmental season, Austin would acquire some nice reinforcements in the massive S36 draft class. With the first few members of the class showing promise their first season, and a decent handful to call up post S36. Austin would really begin to have a solid unit. One that Spicy Ron would be happy to take the reigns on as a leader on defense. Despite the solid yet unremarkable seasons statistically, Ron had developed into an anchor and fan-favorite amongst Austin. Ideally gunning for a few career seasons as he begins to hit his peak in the league.
S37
Season 37 could definitely be considered a "tanking season" for Austin. With most of their young core still in development, Spicy Ron would be the only player on his defense to exceed 1000 TPE. Despite this, the sim gifted Spicy Ron a fairly pedestrian year, and once again denied him a double digit sack season. Austin would only win 2 games on the year and would secure themselves the number one overall pick in the Season 38 ISFL Draft. Hoping to get one or two more nice pieces before switching up their strategy to "win now mode" Ron and the Copperheads plan on filling some key final holes in their young core, and despite still being a very young and inexperienced team. Austin hopes to make a run at a title towards the end of Ron's career. As for Ron, he does not expect to need or use his full power in the league. It would simply be unfair to the rest of those around him. Not unlike the 8 year old children he destroyed for 15+ years of his life.
S38
Season 38 finally saw the Copperheads turn a corner. They were able to achieve an 8-8 record and just barely miss the playoffs. Unfortunately, this came after a big collapse following a hot 6-2 start. Spicy Ron was able to finally hit his first double digit sack season just before hitting regression the following offseason. But with the strong season came the feeling that the Austin Copperheads were finally turning a corner, and the talent that they possessed was starting to hit its prime, even as this came during the beginning of Ron's downturn. However, Ron was ready to play several more strong seasons, and try to finally secure and Ultimus during his tenure with the Copperheads. The team had bolstered some more of it's weak spots in the draft, and was now looking to become a juggernaut on both sides of the ball, acquiring another DL and a SS player for the future. The youth revolution in Austin appears to finally be paying off.
S39
Season 39 brought the Copperheads back to the playoffs for the first time since Spicy Ron's rookie year. Ron himself had another mixed season, getting over the 100 tackle mark once more but failing to break double-digit sacks again. Ron did manage to get his 3rd defensive TD of his career, and he remains on track to finish top 5 all time in tackles. As far as the Copperheads go, the team punched way above it's weight all season. Finishing with an 11-5 record with the 2nd seed of the playoffs. Unfortunately, when the playoffs came around, the Copperheads were bounced in the first round once more. Spicy Ron missing out on his first career playoff win once more. However, with the team still mostly young and only getting better, they look to run it back once more and have another strong season in S40. With Spicy Ron looking to anchor the defense for a few more seasons before he ages out.
S40
Season 40 was Spicy Ron's 2nd regression year, with Ron's time starting to be lost, the Austin Copperheads wanted to take their window while they had it. Trading for some key additions on offense halfway through the season. This would help secure a playoff spot for the Copperheads, with Spicy Ron making his 3rd ever playoff appearance. Spicy Ron had a career high in sacks, securing 11 on the season and his 2nd double-digit sack season ever. Ron also hit a career high in passes deflected with 10, and had another solid season of 9 TFLs. Ron Also secured his 6th 100+ tackle season in a row, with 100 tackles on the spot. Unfortunately, the season ended in another heartbreaking playoff loss, as a heavily underdeveloped OCO team simmed their way to a victory. Ron did however, secure his 2nd WFC championship in a row, helping take team Midwest to its 2nd gold medal in a row.
| Career statistics | Defense | ||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Season | Team | Games | Tck | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 2048 (S33) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 54 | 0 | 3/1 | 3 | 0 | 7 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| 2049 (S34) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 88 | 6 | 2/1 | 9 | 2 | 8 | 1 | 2 | 0/0/0 |
| 2050 (S35) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 127 | 18 | 2/1 | 7 | 1 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| 2051 (S36) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 118 | 7 | 3/2 | 7 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| 2052 (S37) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 113 | 13 | 5/0 | 9 | 2 | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| 2053 (S38) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 113 | 11 | 1/1 | 10 | 1 | 8 | 1 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
| 2054 (S39) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 101 | 9 | 0/0 | 8 | 2 | 7 | 0 | 1 | 0/0/0 |
| 2055 (S40) | Austin Copperheads | 16 | 100 | 9 | 4/2 | 11 | 2 | 10 | 0 | 1 | 0/0/0 |
| Career Totals | 128 | 814 | 73 | 20/8 | 64 | 10 | 54 | 2 | 3 | 0/0/0
| |
Playoff Statistics
| ISFL Playoff statistics | |||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Games Played | Tck | TFL | FF/FR | Sck | Int | PD | Sfty | TD | Blk P/XP/FG |
| 3 | 22 | 1 | 0/0 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0/0/0 |
Achievements and records
Team
-x2 WFC Champion (S37, S40)
-S32 DSFL North Champion
-S32 DSFL Pro Bowl Winner
Individual
-ISFL Pro-Bowler X1 (S35)
-S31 DSFL Defensive Rookie of The Year
-DSFL All-Pro x2 (S31, S32)
-DSFL Pro-Bowler x2 (S31, S32)
League Records
-DDSPF21 Sim Single-Game Tackle Record: 18 (W13 S35)
-DDSPF21 Sim Single-Season Tackles For Loss Record: 18 (S35)
Franchise Records
-Austin Copperheads DDSPF21 Sim Single-Season Tackle Record: 127 (S35)
-Portland Pythons DDSPF21 Sim Single-Season Tackle Record: 128 (S32)
-Portland Pythons DDSPF21 Sim Single-Game Playoff Tackle Record: 11 (S32)
Other Nominations
x2 ISFL Defensive Breakout Player of The Year Nominee (S34, S35)
x1 ISFL Defensive Performance of The Year Nominee (S35)
x1 ISFL Linebacker of The Year Nominee (S35)
x2 DSFL Defensive Player of The Year Nominee (S31, S32)
x2 DSFL Linebacker of The Year Nominee (S31, S32)
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