Mario Messi
 Why always me? | |
| No. 18 – Portland Pythons | |
|---|---|
| Position: | Wide Receiver |
| Personal information | |
| Born: | August 1, 2019 (aged 41) Boston, Massachusetts, U.S. |
| Height: | 6 ft 1 in (1.85 m) |
| Weight: | 190 lb (86 kg) |
| Username: | Kingsean |
| Career information | |
| High school: | Phillips Academy |
| College: | University of Miami |
| DSFL Draft: | 2040 / Round: 5 / Pick: 37 |
| Career history | |
| Roster status: | Retired |
Mario Messi (born August 1, 2019) was an American football wide receiver for the Portland Pythons of the Developmental Simulation Football League (DSFL).
Early years
Mario Messi was born through the Holy Spirit created by a falcon and a rhinoceros in a bleak desert around Boston, Massachusetts, the hinterland of the America continent in 2019. The bleak desert has a sinuous watercourse abutting a cliff, from which Mario jumped off everyday to hone his speed, agility, and endurance, even at age zero (Yes. not a lie!). Mario learnt from the outrageous predation around his life, watching lions chasing and eviscerating rabbits, falcons/hawks hovering around and swooping at cobra, crocodiles ambushing hippos, and hyenas gouging corpses out of grave yards. Born at such a grievously difficult time and an uncharted/untamed area, Mario naturally had the skills of avoiding tackles and quickly charging into empty space, because of his warp speed inherited from the Holy Spirit and trained with the wild lions. This is the best Mario can remember about his own birth. A legend's birth is always nebulous, mythical, cryptic, and elusive. It can only be contemplated but never confirmed.
College career
In college, Mario enjoyed the strategy of penetrating through the center of the defensive line. But he often got squeezed and squashed by the muscles from the other team. This strategy did not work well for him, but he kept penetrating the central defensive line again and again, since great strategies should be relentlessly executed until success. Once he was squeezed and squashed by the muscles weighting thousands of pounds from the other team. He toppled down and fell into a coma, with blood trickling down his thigh, gushing out of his skull, and swirling around his face. Mario Messi suffered from anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) tears and meniscal tears for other ten times after this game. The injuries become the emblem of Mario’s fights, and he always bring it up later in this life, whenever he needs a pretext for his failures or just boosts his esteem before falling into sleep.
