Pasta The Turtle

Pasta The Turtle

No. 54 – Prospect
Position:	Offensive Lineman
Personal information
Born:	(1880-01-01)January 1, 1880 (aged 183) Newfoundland, Canada
Height:	3 ft 5 in (1.04 m)
Weight:	350 lb (159 kg)
Username:	Visceralpotamus
Career information
College:	University of Newfoundland
Career history
Roster status:	Active

Pasta the Turtle (born January 1, 1880) is an American football offensive lineman who is currently preparing to enter the professional ranks.He played college football for University of Newfoundland (Zerk) and has declared his intent to enter the professional ranks next season.

Early years

Pasta the Turtle was born in a swamp in the geographical region best known as Newfoundland to two parents, who in true reptilian fashion, had abandoned their eggs. While he held no ill will towards them, Pasta did struggle to find an identity. He quickly discovered an athletic prowess that granted him opportunities heretofore unimaginable for someone of his genetic makeup. He initially developed an aptitude for ice hockey, even finding some success at the professional level. While he really valued his time playing hockey with his teammates, he eventually found that he found something was missing. He eventually found what he was looking for while watching his favourite college team the Maryland Terrapins that he realized football was his calling. He enrolled for a tryout at the local university, and the skeptical coach gave him a chance after seeing some of his hockey highlights. It was quickly determined that the offensive line would make sense given his body composition and aggressive attitude. "Lord knows I love my carbs," Pasta shared to a local university paper "so when I heard that there was a position that feasted on pancakes, you know I had to get me some of that"

College career

Newfoundland not being known for their football prowess, did not garner the best results on the field, but it certainly did serve as a showcase for the first turtle to have played football for their school. Pasta the Turtle quickly gained a reputation for his fearless, tenacious and tireless approach to the game. He would frequently zero in on his assignment, and could be found driving a backside defensive end into the bleachers. Given the poor team performace on the field, Newfoundland fans instead focused on the amount of pancakes that Pasta would accrue. The concession stand eventually transitioned to only serving flapjacks. "Our boy Pasta the Turtle out there eating pancakes all day, we figured we should do the same" a local fraternity spokesman shared when queried about the student body's refusal to purchase any food item other than pancakes. "While an area of improvement in Pasta's game could certainly be his pass protection, as his offensive line did surrender a substantial amount of sacks, the raw tools are clearly there for Pasta the Turtle to develop into a dominant NSFL offensive lineman. The intagibles, hunger and drive are all there" reads a scouting summary describing his amateur career.

College career statistics

Career statistics			Offensive Line
Season	Team	Games	Pancakes	Sacks Allowed
2021	University of Newfoundland	14	75	0

Professional career

Pre-draft measurables

Ht	Wt	40‑yd dash	20‑ss	3‑cone	Vert jump	Broad
3 ft 5 in (1.04 m)	350 lb (159 kg)

DSFL

Pasta the Turtle was drafted by the Portland Pythons early in the first round (fifth overall). He Immediately switched positions to linebacker to support the needs of the team which had some defensive deficiencies. Pasta the Turtle had a very impressive rookie campaign, forming an elite partnership with fellow rookie linebacker Spicy Ron. The two would terrorize opposing offences, and garnered a reputation for big plays. Pasta the Turtle's statistical output would culminate in a defensive rookie of the year nomination at the end of the season. He would end up coming up a bit short, losing (deservedly) to his teammate Spicey Ron. He also was nominated for linebacker of the year, but was certainly outclassed by some of the veteran players who he was stacked up against. Unfortunately, as a team the Portland Pythons narrowly missed playoffs, having been in the hunt up until the final week. Things were primed for an excellent follow up season though.

Career statistics			Defense
Season	Team	Games	Tck	TFL	FF/FR	Sck	Int	PD	Sfty	TD	Blk P/XP/FG
2046 (S31)	Pythons	14	91	8	2/2	10	1	7	0	1	0/0/0

ISFL

After a successful rookie campaign, Pasta caught the eye of the Baltimore Hawks, who drafted him 2nd Overall. Once again, Pasta changed positions to support team needs and became a safety. Once again, the reptile impressed in his rookie season, garnering nominations for defensive rookie of the year (which he won) and safety of the year.

His sophomore year was a step back statistically, but the team performance resulted in a playoff appearance. The Hawks (led by big plays on defence) ran the table and won the Ultimus. Pasta had a big 4th quarter interception that was a big momentum shifter during a huge comeback team performance.

Career statistics			Defense
Season	Team	Games	Tck	TFL	FF/FR	Sck	Int	PD	Sfty	TD	Blk P/XP/FG
2047 (S32)	Hawks	16	52	0	0/0	0	6	18	0	0	0/0/0
2048 (S33)	Hawks	16	40	0	0/0	0	2	17	0	1	0/0/0

Professional career statistics

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Achievements and records

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