Dan Schneider
 |
 Schneider scaring a small child | |
| No. 18 – NONE | |
|---|---|
| Position: | Safety |
| Personal information | |
| Born: | January 14, 1973 (aged 88) Chernobyl, Ukraine |
| Height: | 6 ft 1 in (1.85 m) |
| Weight: | 215 lb (98 kg) |
| Career information | |
| High school: | White Station High School |
| College: | Harvard University |
| Career history | |
| Roster status: | Active |
Dan J. Schneider (born December 14, 1973) is an American football safety for the NONE of the National Simulation Football League (X). He played college football for Harvard University (HU) and has declared his intent to enter the professional ranks next season.
Contents
Early years
"Schneider was born in Chernobyl, Ukraine prior to the disastrous nuclear reactor explosion that would render the town inhabitable. His parents rushed to escape the area, yet they couldn't prevent the boy's body from absorbing some of the radiation in the air. The unstable elements transformed Schneider into a boyishly handsome, strong, and athletic man who could never do anything wrong in the entire world. Immigrating to the United States, he quickly assimilated into the American lifestyle and took a role as a safety on his highschool's football team. Schneider experienced many struggles in high school football and at many points he had considered abandoning the sport entirely and moving on somewhere else in terms of a potential topic to delve further into. However, this all changed when late on a Sunday night when Schneider inhaled an entire gallon of milk without regurgitating it onto his computer monitor. From then, Schneider held a firm belief that he was capable of doing anything and finished out all four years of highschool playing on the football team. He played terribly and for the majority of the games he was warming the benches.
College career
Approaching college, Schneider decided to abandon football as a result of him being utter garbage at it and being laughed at everywhere he went because of his terrible abilities. He only attended Harvard University for one year before moving on to join the group of executive producers at Nickelodeon, creating shows for the little children of the world to enjoy and bask in the glory of what it means to be alive. Many of his shows have revolutionized the genre of situation comedies and many may consider the entire television industry to have been morphed because of Dan Schneider. Many and many years after he rose to popularity he was accused of multiple scandals and many had outright referred to Schneider as a pedophile, although that was clearly not true. Ultimately, Nickelodeon let go of him and he believed that he no longer had anywhere to go. With no options left, Schneider returned to college and once again joined the football team but this time something was different. Instead of being quite possibly the worst member on his team, he seemed like a natural safety and the radiation his body absorbed from Chernobyl finally kicked in. A couple of years later, Schneider declared for the DSFL draft.
College career statistics
Come back to this bit. Not sure how to generate the table yet
Professional career
| Ht | Wt | 40‑yd dash | 20‑ss | 3‑cone | Vert jump | Broad |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 6 ft 1 in (1.85 m) |
215 lb (98 kg) |
Professional career statistics
Come back to this later
Achievements and records
Come back to this later
