Zapp Brannigan
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 Just me, being me | |||||||||||||
| No. 45 – San Jose Sabercats | |||||||||||||
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| Position: | Tightest End | ||||||||||||
| Personal information | |||||||||||||
| Born: | June 1, 2982 (aged -922) Nimbus BP-1729, Earth | ||||||||||||
| Height: | 6 ft 3 in (1.91 m) | ||||||||||||
| Weight: | 265 lb (120 kg) | ||||||||||||
| Career information | |||||||||||||
| High school: | P.S. NunyaBizness | ||||||||||||
| College: | D.O.O.P | ||||||||||||
| ISFL Draft: | 2024 / Round: 2 / Pick: 11 | ||||||||||||
| DSFL Draft: | 2023 / Round: 6 / Pick: 23 | ||||||||||||
| Career history | |||||||||||||
| Roster status: | Active | ||||||||||||
| Career DSFL statistics as of 2023 | |||||||||||||
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Zapp Brannigan (born January 1, 2982) is an American football tightest end for the San Jose Sabercats of the National Simulation Football League (NSFL). He played college football for D.O.O.P (DOOP) before being drafted by the San Jose Sabercats in the 2024 ISFL Draft (S9). Prior to this, he had been drafted by the Tijuana Luchadores in the 2023 DSFL Draft (S8).
Contents
Early years
Star Date Orion 42 - Polaris. The earliest memory I have is when I was a young boy. I was standing in front of a mirror, gazing into my own eyes. Everything else seemed to melt as I ponder to myself, if one man could be this beautiful. Then reality slapped me in the face, just as my father had... How ironic!... howling at me about my mothers' clothing and to take off her velour. Phft, anywho... it is hard being the most desirable and provocative captain in the multiverse. After my incident at D.O.O.P... Which I was FRAMED FOR... Watch your mouth Kif or I will make you bathe me again. I was sentenced to stay upon Earth and become a "real leader" as Nixon put it. So I was forced into the NSFL, to make my name known once again, and prove I do have the tightest end.
College career
You're telling me these soldier went to "college" first before being drafted. Huh! How interesting. Well everyone knows to get the brains and physique, like myself, you have to go through rigorous training regiment. And that training was full of soldiers working their butts off and me teaching them everything I know, without moving a muscle. I did not have the time to be well learned or educated, when there are aliens threatening your peace on Earth! College is just a money grab, where adults get babysat. I became a real man, and real men know how to score both on and off the field if you catch my drift.
College career statistics
Come back to this bit. Not sure how to generate the table yet
Professional career
DSFL career
I spent 2 season in the DSFL playing for both the Portland Pythons and Tijuana Luchadores. Listen to this Kif, it is going to blow your mind!... And on both teams, I have won Ultimini Championships! There is only one thing in common in my mind, and that yours truly! Maybe I am just a good luck charm.
NSFL career
| Ht | Wt | 40‑yd dash | 20‑ss | 3‑cone | Vert jump | Broad | BP | Wonderlic |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 6 ft 3 in (1.91 m) |
265 lb (120 kg) |
4.49 s | 4.46 s | 7.66 s | 24.8 in (0.63 m) |
9 ft 0.6 in (2.76 m) |
20 reps | 20 |
Soon to be Hall of Famer: Zapp Branningan, Tightest End in all of History. That is deserving…. Right Kif?!
Professional career statistics
Come back to this later
Achievements and records
Come back to this later
