Zaphod Beeblebrox
 | This article has been cleared by an Approver on the wiki team. Lancedjack (talk) 13:57, 20 April 2022 (UTC) |
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| No. 42 – Prospect | |
|---|---|
| Position: | Linebacker |
| Personal information | |
| Born: | March 11, 1952 (aged 109) Betelgeuse V, Wales |
| Height: | 6 ft 1 in (1.85 m) |
| Weight: | 168 lb (76 kg) |
| Username: | Mooty99 |
| Career information | |
| College: | Ursa Minor Tech |
| Career history | |
| Roster status: | Active |
Zaphod Beeblebrox (born March 11, 1952) is an American football linebacker who is currently preparing to enter the professional ranks.He played college football for Ursa Minor Tech and has declared his intent to enter the professional ranks next season.
Contents
Early years
Zaphod was born on the fifth planet of Betelgeuse system, he is the son of Zaphod Beeblebrox II as all his direct ancestors are his direct descentdants due to an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine. He is the semi-cousin of Ford Prefect, famed travel writter with whom he shared three of the same mothers. Zaphod's early years were largely spent in the pursuit of making himself into being the real hoopy frood that you find him to be today. He was often put in statis detention at school due to his antics and behaviour that were described by his teacher as hugely disruptive but by his fellow students as amazing feats of counter productive anarchy that the whole school body could get behind. Needless to say he was expelled a number of times but none of them ever really took. Zaphod never played Gridiron at school as it is not a popular sport outside Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha he did captain both the school ski boxing and Broccian ultra cricket teams.
College, Life and Football
While Zaphod officially went to college at the Galaxy's most prestigious party college he did not really spend any time there past the first semester and occasional drop into a party of three when his presence was really required to boost the place. The real interesting parts of his life are what else Zaphod did other than part in college and we only really have time for the highlights of this wonderous and rich story of his past life before football. These highlights include the inventor of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster as well as being the only person alive who can drink more than three in a single sitting. He was voted to be the Galactic President (even though many who voted thought they were voting for the worst dressed sentient being in the universe. When president he stole the Heart of Gold, a spaceship taking advantage of the Infinite Improbability Drive, at its unveiling. He is the only man to have survived the Total Perspective Vortex (albeit in an electronically synthesized universe which was created especially for him). But what led him to the ISFL and football you may ask, well when attending a party he got suitably drunk and ended up making a wager with Thor the Norse God of Thunder and an the lounge singer that night called Elvis Presley. The origins of the wager is not entirely clear as all parties had been drinking but what we do know is that all parties had been discussing earth, that insignificant blue green planet and their odd customs and Zaphod may have claimed he could become elite in any dumb earth sport so they chose Football and her he is ready to tear it up!
DSFL Career
In the season 35 DSFL draft Zaphod unfortunately missed a number of interviews due to the combination of 12 pan galactic gargleblasters, a black hole and a small pink umbrella but despite this he went in the 5th round, pick number 37 to be sure to the Kansas City Coyotes, same it wasn’t pick number 42 but never mind. This draft also saw Zaphod switch positions from Linebacker to wide receiver. It turns out having 2 head to track the ball and 3 arms to catch it make you the perfect wide receiver.
Now in season 35 the Kansas City Coyotes went and draft 4 amazing wide receivers, you heard that right, not 1 but 4 and this led to a season where while these wide receivers shared the load and none put up amazing stats the quarterback set a bunch of records. The team continued to improve throughout the season as they got used to playing with each other and in the end found themselves in the Ultimini final. Unfortunately, they couldn’t quite make the last step and lost the final but still it was a help of a season for the team that plays in purple and yellow and Zaphod had a great time in what was surely the greatest DSFL rookie wide receiver room of all time.
ISFL Career
Now ISFL teams took note for the mistakes of the those in the DSFL and did not sleep on Zaphod in the draft. With this mind it was a question about how high he would go and people didn't have to wait long. Zaphod was picked up by the Austin Copperheads with the 2nd overall pick of the draft. This was a team in need of wide receivers, locker room leaders and new fashion senses and as Zaphod is and has all these qualities it wasn't really a surprise to see him go here.
Zaphod was called up straight away and was the standout rookie wide receiver in season 36 for Austin, and one of the standout rookies full stop. Austin (who were in a rebuild year) went a respectable 7 and 9 but Zaphod quickly established himself as the wide receiver number 2 only behind the obvious number 1 Patey. This excellent season can be seen in his numbers, Zaphod went over 1000 yards which I hate to repeat but I will, was in his rookie season. This was also followed up with a respectable 8 touchdowns. Now we have seen the numbers of this guy in his first season who know what the future could hold for a player of this calibre.
The 2nd season in Austin and the ISFL for Zaphod and while his numbers certainly continued to grow in most areas it was not a good season for his team. Austin were only able to win 2 games all season and because of that they ended up dead last. Well at least they got the first overall pick so that was something. For himself Zaphod improved in a number of areas, despite having 6 less catches from the previous season he did get over 200 more yards, which was pretty impressive for a wide receiver 2. He did however only manage 6 touchdowns, down from 8 in the previous season, this may be an example of Austin’s poor red zone play that season and it certainly frustrated the normally unflappable man from the stars. But never mind after speaking to his private brain care specialist after such a tough season Zaphod remains a froopy cool frood you know?
The 3rd season for Zaphod saw him become the official wide receiver number one for Austin. He saw more targets and gained slightly more yards that both the previous seasons which was very nice. Austin themselves also did better than the previous season, and they went 8 and 8 and with a group of good young players they appear to be only heading in one direction which is very exciting. While the team did better and Zaphod was promoted his numbers did not reflect this especially with only 6 touchdowns again, this was due to sharing a backfield with two other excellent receivers in Johnny Patey and Delores Bickerman, while Zaphod didn't get as many touchdowns as he would have liked the three of them caused havoc to other teams. We tried to discussed how this season went with Zaphod himself but we were unable to get hold of him. Instead we met with Ford Prefect his semi-half-cousin who he shares three of the same mothers as zaphod, unfortunately after meeting Ford in a bar we had a few drinks with him and now can’t remember what he said.
The 4th season for Zaphod was meant to be a good one, he was better, the team was better his QB was better, it was better right? Well for the team it was better Austin returned to the playoffs after a long absence and they got a mighty 11 wins which were not predicted by many. While the team certainly did well Zaphod’s stats were all worse (with the only exception being average yards per pass). The big reason for this was probably due to the play calling, Austin caught many teams off guard by using there run game more than expected and when you combine that with his wide receiver partner eclipsing him once again then it was always a tough road to go down. For most people this would have been demoralising, but not for Zaphod, he was happy that the team were doing well, what can I say, Zaphod’s just a guy you know?
Professional career
| Ht | Wt | 40‑yd dash | 20‑ss | 3‑cone | Vert jump | Broad |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 6 ft 1 in (1.85 m) |
168 lb (76 kg) |
Professional career statistics
| Career statistics | Receiving | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Season | Team | Games | Rec | Yards | Avg | Lg | TD |
| 2050 (S35) | Coyotes | 14 | 63 | 916 | 14.5 | 46 | 4 |
| 2051 (S36) | Copperheads | 16 | 110 | 1076 | 9.8 | 48 | 8 |
| 2052 (S37) | Copperheads | 16 | 104 | 1329 | 12.8 | 63 | 6 |
| 2053 (S38) | Copperheads | 16 | 111 | 1362 | 12.3 | 49 | 6 |
| 2054 (S39) | Copperheads | 16 | 95 | 1208 | 12.7 | 49 | 4 |
Achievements and records
Use this section as an example.
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