Remington Musgrave-Smythe

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Remington Musgrave-Smythe
A large man, riding an ostrich while wearing a suit
Artist's rendition of Remi and his retired racing ostrich, Siphiwe.
No. 49 – Arizona Outlaws
Position:Offensive Lineman
Personal information
Born: (2024-03-21)March 21, 2024 (aged 37)
Sandringham, Norfolk, United Kingdom
Height:6 ft 4 in (1.93 m)
Weight:307 lb (139 kg)
Username:37thchamber
Career information
High school:Greenwood Bay College
College:King's College, Cambridge
ISFL Draft:2053  / Round: 2 / Pick: 16
DSFL Draft:2052  / Round: 4 / Pick: 32
Career history
Roster status:Active

Remington "Remi" Aloysius Musgrave-Smythe (born March 21, 2024) is an American football offensive lineman for the Arizona Outlaws of the International Simulation Football League (ISFL). He is a two-time ISFL Champion, winning his first ring with the Honolulu Hahalua in 2059 (S44)

He is considered an oddity among his peers, in that he did not play college football before entering the Developmental Simulation Football League (DSFL); though he did play for two seasons with Kadoma Impulse of X-Sector Asia. Remi spent two seasons in the DSFL with the Tijuana Luchadores before moving to the Colorado Yeti for five seasons. He has also briefly played for Bondi Beach Buccaneers, who picked him up off the waiver wire ahead of the 2052 DSFL Draft (S37).

Early years

Born in 2024, in Sandringham, Norfolk, to Philippa – the daughter of Edwin Aloysius Hartgrove, and childhood friend to King Sebastian I of Great Britain – and adopted by the King after his mother’s death during childbirth. The father is unknown, though it has been suggested that he is a man of great importance, whose identity remains secret for the purpose of maintaining propriety. Named Remington – “Raven’s Estate” – upon adoption, in a reference to the legend of the Tower of London, when the King noted that “this child will be my greatest legacy”. His middle name is in honour of his grandfather, who served the King for decades.

Under British succession law, Remington – or Remi, as he prefers to be called – is not actually in the line of succession; instead, the heir apparent is his adoptive younger sister, Rosalind, followed by her children. He was given the option to be included in the line of succession by his father, at age eighteen, and declined, noting he would not enjoy the restrictions such duty would come with. King Sebastian, having experienced such a personal conflict himself – when he suddenly became rightful King of Great Britain while in the middle of a Hall of Fame baseball career – understood, and freed Remi from such obligation, instead encouraging him to live a full life, and experience as much as possible.

Remi’s early childhood was spent at Sandringham, largely with his younger sister, where he trained in the disciplines of the modern pentathlon, excelling at pistol shooting – Remi won a national schools pistol shooting championship at age eleven – and equitation. He remained at Sandringham, attending Downham Preparatory School until age twelve, when he was sent to one of his father’s homes in Plettenberg Bay, South Africa, along with Jonathan Brewster – his grandfather’s protege, and another former attendant to King Sebastian I – to act as chaperone. There, he attended Greenwood Bay College until the age of eighteen, where he continued his pistol shooting excellence. Remi would also become involved in ostrich racing (using the pseudonym “Marten Reed”) in his graduation year, adapting well due to his extensive equestrian experience, despite being quite tall. After graduation, he returned to England, to take an undergraduate degree in Accounting and Finance at King’s College, Cambridge.

College years

During his time at King’s College, Remi frequently travelled back and forth between South Africa and England to participate in ostrich races, garnering something of a reputation in the sport while racing under a new pseudonym; “Phil Hartgrove” – a reference to his biological mother’s name. He dabbled a little in rugby at university, also, lining up as a loosehead prop at times. Remi would later concede that he abandoned the sport as the training required was "detrimental to [his] ostrich racing career", and that "sticking with it may have provided [him] an even stronger foundation for sumo and later, gridiron football".

RAMS.png

Promotional image of Remington Musgrave-Smythe, for Elite Ostrich Racing, c. 2048

Remi returned to King's College to get his MSc in Finance, before leaving to take a role with Deutsche Bank in Sandton, Johannesburg. His athletic career at the time was still heavily focused on his ostrich racing, and this would continue until he was transferred to the Tokyo branch of Deutsche Bank, to take a senior role in the venture capitalist division. Here, Remi developed a strong interest in Sumo, and began training in the sport, eventually competing for a local amateur club in Sumida, where he was based at the time. From here, Remi left his role at Deutsche Bank and relocated to Osaka to oversee a deal for X-Sector Asia (XSA), an expansion of the former XFL into the East Asian market, and ostensible competitor to the X-League in Japan. As X-Sector Asia prepared for its second season, Remi decided to declare for their draft, after noting the transferable skills between sumo and the offensive line positions in gridiron football.

To make the transition, Remi hired an array of staff including a sumo trainer and a personal chef, and altered his diet drastically. The focus was on developing a more compact, muscular frame, in stark contrast to his leaner approach for ostrich racing. In the six months between making the decision to enter the XSA draft, and their scouting combine, Remi had gained approximately 37 kilograms (82 lb), now weighing 300 pounds (140 kg) – almost double what he did during his ostrich racing peak – 78 kilograms (172 lb). Due to the weight gain, Remi effectively retired from ostrich racing and took the decision to purchase the ostrich, named Siphiwe. Siphiwe has been kept at or near Remi's home ever since – regardless of where he has lived – and Remi uses a sizeable portion of his salary to ensure that the ostrich is well cared for.

Professional career

Upon being drafted to Kadoma Impulse as an offensive lineman, Remi opted to wear the number 49 as a result of his understanding of superstitions around numbers in Japan; in Japanese, the number can be pronounced the same as a term which could be translated as “painful death”. He would go on to display this very term on his jersey, in place of his name, and became known for his aggressive playing style and frequent penalties, alongside his popular sumo-based blocking techniques. Midway through his second season in XSA, Remi was invited to enter the 2052 DSFL Draft (S37); he accepted, finishing the 2051 XSA season with Impulse, and winning X Bowl Asia, before travelling directly to Baltimore. In Baltimore, Remi met up with ISFL Hall of Famer – and his father’s former agent – Antoine Delacour, who encouraged him to declare himself eligible for the DSFL waiver wire in 2051 (S36), ahead of the draft, in order to maintain game sharpness and potentially attract the attention of scouts. Remi signed on to Delacour’s agency (WTSM) as a client at the same time.

With some concerns over Remi's age emerging around this time, WTSM put out a statement highlighting his incredible conditioning, through years of participating in high-level athletic competitions, while also noting that Remi would have less "wear and tear" than the average DSFL draftee, due to only playing two seasons of gridiron football in his entire career to date.

DSFL career

Remi was picked up off the waiver wire late in 2051 (S36) by the Bondi Beach Buccaneers, where he went on to make two appearances. Noting a large step up in competition, his brief experience in the DSFL ahead of the draft encouraged him to redouble his efforts in his individual training.

At the 2052 DSFL Draft (S37), Remi was selected at the end of the fourth round, thirty-second overall, by the Tijuana Luchadores. On his competitive debut for the Luchadores, Remi was at fault for a sack on quarterback Gore Done Ram Say, which he claims "again underlined the massive step up in quality [he] would have to overcome to be successful". In an attempt to project early confidence in his ability, Remi pledged a donation to RAINN based on his performance that season, and while he would only allow one more sack for the remainder of the season (against Portland Pythons, in week 11), he did not achieve the goals he had set for himself (only 43 pancakes), leading him to ignore his pledge criteria and donate more than double the originally pledged amount.

The highlight of his season was arguably his week 4 performance against Portland Pythons, in which he posted a personal best of six pancakes and no sacks allowed en route to a 27–27 tie game. With the exception of a false start penalty late in the first quarter, Remi looked generally impressive, lining up at right tackle, where he most commonly faced off against the Pythons' bot defensive linemen. He would later acknowledge that "bots aren't the strongest of tests" though, and that he needed to "find several more levels if [he is] to compete in the ISFL".

Later in the season, Remi revealed he had been approached by several ISFL teams, performing their pre-draft scouting and interviews. He publicly stated, after these talks, that he was quite certain he would be a first-round pick in the upcoming ISFL draft as a result, while also noting that he would find it "strange" to be selected by a team who had not contacted him beforehand.

For the 2053 (S38) season, Remi returned to Tijuana, where he was establishing himself as a major presence on the offensive line. After a shaky start yet again – in which he was at fault for allowing Waylen Greene to land a big hit on Gore Done Ram Say during the Luchadores' opening game of the season against Dallas Birddogs – Remi recovered to ultimately lead the league in pancakes (73), earning himself a first-team 2053 DSFL All-Pro selection (S38). Unfortunately, though the Luchadores made the playoffs, they were defeated in the 2053 SFC Championship (S38) by the Norfolk Seawolves.

ISFL career

At the 2053 ISFL scouting combine (S38), Remi was underwhelming, recording results across all seven events that paled in comparison to Walrus Jones, the consensus best offensive lineman in the class. This did not concern him, however, and Remi was quoted as saying that "the combine is a useful opportunity to assess some athletic traits, but I don't feel it provides the best window into a player's in-game ability". He followed up those comments by stating his belief that "scouts have watched games in the DSFL and will likely take all of the information available into consideration before making decisions", and asserting that he was "not worried about a possible fall in [his] draft stock" as a result of his combine appearance. Remi would ultimately be selected early in the second round, with the sixteenth overall pick, by the Colorado Yeti. After discussion with management, it was agreed that Remi would return to Tijuana for at least one more season as he was not quite ready for ISFL competition.

Pre-draft measurables
Ht Wt 40‑yd dash 20‑ss 3‑cone Vert jump Broad BP Wonderlic
6 ft 4 in
(1.93 m) 		307 lb
(139 kg) 		5.02 s 4.88 s 7.86 s 23.2 in
(0.59 m) 		7 ft 0.7 in
(2.15 m) 		32 reps 20
ISFL season 38 scouting combine

Colorado Yeti

Following the 2054 ISFL Draft (S39), Remi was contacted by the Colorado Yeti front office, who informed him that they were sending a trainer to Mexico to work with him in preparation for the next season, where he would be playing in the ISFL. The trainer worked extensively with Remi to increase his strength, primarily, leading to a huge leap in Remi's bench press performance. After managing just thirty-two reps at the combine, Remi had improved to a personal best of forty-one during his rookie season with Tijuana. After training in the offseason before his ISFL debut, he had reached a personal best of over fifty. Remi's agent, Antoine Delacour, openly mused that this may have been precaution by the Colorado management due to Remi's inconsistent performance in training over the previous year.

Remi's eventual ISFL debut came in week one of the 2054 (S39) ISFL season against the Honolulu Hahalua. He amassed six pancakes while also incurring a ten-yard penalty for holding, and would later state that he felt "ready" for ISFL competition. The Yeti would finish fourth in the NSFC with a record of 9-6-1 and miss out on a playoff berth behind the 10-6 Butchers, but Remi would record a career-best-to-date 111 pancakes, with only one sack allowed – the only rookie to outperform him was Walrus Jones, who finished with 3 more pancakes, and allowed the same number of sacks.

The 2055 (S40) ISFL season saw significant improvement from Remi, as he led the ISFL for pancakes among human offensive linemen with 135 – also a Colorado Yeti franchise record – while allowing just one sack again. This performance saw him named as a second team 2055 ISFL All-Pro selection (S40). Unfortunately, the Yeti had slumped a little overall, finishing with a 7-8-1 record, fifth in the NSFC.

Amidst some personal troubles during the 2056 (S41) ISFL season, Remi's game noticeably suffered, as he ended the season with just 95 pancakes, having allowed two sacks. He avoided the media that year and kept a very low profile, but those close to him would suggest that a combination of difficulties in his personal life had "taken a massive toll" on his psyche. Management in Colorado were patient, however, and offered the support Remi needed.

They were rewarded for this with a return to form in the 2057 (S42) ISFL season, where Remi racked up 124 pancakes and again allowed just one sack on rookie quarterback Wolfie McDummy Jr., despite the Yeti ending the season with a disappointing 6-10 record for the second year running. Remi, for his part, was selected to represent the NSFC in the 2057 ISFL Pro Bowl (S42), and signed a one-year extension, keeping him in Colorado until at least the end of the 2058 (S43) ISFL season.

The 2058 (S43) ISFL season saw Remi complete the entire season without allowing a sack while racking up 128 pancakes (his second-highest season total to date). This level of performance earned him another ISFL Pro Bowl nod, taking his tally to four in his five ISFL seasons. The standout performance of the season came in week fifteen, against the Baltimore Hawks – who were among the favourites to win the Ultimus – with the Yeti needing a win to stay in playoff contention. Remi racked up a whopping seventeen pancakes – equal fifth-highest in a single ISFL game – protecting McDummy Jr.'s blind side, as the quarterback threw for 412 yards and 3 touchdowns (passer rating of 116.4) in the 37–27 win. A narrow defeat to the ISFL in week sixteen did not take the Yeti out of the playoffs, though, and Remi made his first ISFL playoff appearance against the Yeti's week sixteen opponents. The result was a crushing 55–28 defeat, after a fourth-quarter collapse. Following Ultimus Bowl XLIII, Remi confirmed that he would not be picking up the player option on his contract with the Yeti, and would be testing free agency.

Honolulu Hahalua

After a protracted free agency prior to 2059 (S44) ISFL season, Remi eventually re-signed with the Colorado Yeti on a three-year deal worth $23m, with $9m coming in the first year. He was then immediately traded to the Honolulu Hahalua. Remi's competitive debut for the Hahalua did not go according to plan, as they were defeated on the road at Austin. Things were better in the 34–14 victory over the Second Line in week two, but a second defeat in three games followed; after a five-point loss in New York. It was in this game that Remi allowed his only sack of the season, as the Hahalua rallied and won eleven of their remaining thirteen games, to top the ASFC and earn a bye to the 2059 ASFC Championship (S44). Notably, the Hahalua were defeated just once at home, a week eleven defeat against the Hawks – a team similarly tipped to reach the Ultimus – in which the Hahalua offensive line as a whole struggled to protect Nova Montagne, allowing five sacks as their signal-caller struggled to a completion rate of 56.8% and a passer rating of just 70. Overall, though, Remi led the Honolulu offensive line well, with Montagne suffering just 46 sacks for the season; fewer than 3 per game on average, and joint-second lowest tally in the league for 2059 (S44).

The 2059 ASFC Championship (S44) pit the Hahalua against the Silverbacks for the second time that season, this time at The Kū Dome; with the home side prevailing 19–16, after two field goals from Ray Baker in the final moments of the game. Ultimus Bowl XLIV saw the Hahalua matched up against the Cape Town Crash, who they had not faced in the regular season. It started badly, when Nakiri Ayame scored a 108-yard return touchdown off the kick-off, but again, the Hahalua would rally, coming from behind in the fourth quarter to win 43–36, earning Remi his first league championship since winning X-Bowl Asia in 2050, before entering the DSFL.

The 2060 (S45) ISFL season was another successful one for Remi, as he ended the season with 117 pancakes and just one sack allowed – coming against the New York Silverbacks in week one of the regular season – good enough to be among the top five linemen in the league yet again. Remi's best performance came in week fifteen, when he racked up twelve pancakes in a road game against the Sabercats, while not giving up a single sack, despite the presence of Cruella de Ville – league leader in sacks, tackles, and forced fumbles – on the opposition roster. Despite taking steps to "behave more like a role model" in recent years, Remi still had something of a problem with penalties, however; he gave up four big penalties for a total of 39 yards through the season, falling short of his personal goal in that arena.

In the playoffs, as regular season champions, the Hahalua received a bye to the 2060 ASFC Championship (S45), where they faced the Austin Copperheads, who they had beaten both at home and on the road in the regular season. In what will possibly go down in history as one of the most entertaining ISFL Conference Championship games of all time, the Copperheads overcame a seven-point deficit at the half to race ahead in the third quarter, amassing an advantage that the Hahalua could not overcome, ending Remi's hopes of back-to-back championships.

Early into the 2061 (S46) ISFL season, with the Hahalua sitting at 1–5, Remi held a conversation with team management about arranging a trade. He laid out his desires to be on a team competing for the Ultimus – indeed, this was a major reason he had signed with Honolulu in the first place – and would eventually be traded to the Arizona Outlaws prior to the week 12 clash between the two teams, after signing a 2-year, $9.25m contract extension with the Hahalua to help push the deal through.

Arizona Outlaws

Remi made his debut for the Outlaws in week twelve, against his former team, the Hahalua. As part of the deal, he had agreed to move from his preferred left tackle spot to playing at right tackle instead, noting that while this was "less than ideal", it was "a necessary sacrifice" if he intended to "write [his] name in the annals of history".

Through the remainder of the regular season, the Outlaws won every game, finishing up the year with the best regular season record (13–3) and a playoff bye. Once again, Remi's team faced the Austin Copperheads in the ASFC Conference Championship. This time, Remi emerged on the winning side, after the Outlaws raced to a 28-point lead at the half to win the 2061 ASFC Championship (S46) and punch their tickets to the Ultimus Bowl.

In Ultimus Bowl XLVI, the Outlaws came back from six points down to take the lead late in the second half via a 69-yard Bertie Mannering-Phipps touchdown reception, before sealing the win early in the fourth quarter on a redzone TD reception by Thomas Sutha. The win was Remi's second ISFL championship in just three years, and he began to openly ponder retirement when the two years remaining on his Outlaws contract were up.

Professional career statistics

Career statistics Offensive Line
Season Team Games Pancakes Sacks Allowed
2050 Impulse 8 49 2
2051 Impulse 10 86 0
2051 (S36) Buccaneers 2 2 0
2052 (S37) Luchadores 14 43 2
2053 (S38) Luchadores 14 73 1
2054 (S39) Yeti 16 111 1
2055 (S40) Yeti 16 135 1
2056 (S41) Yeti 16 95 2
2057 (S42) Yeti 16 124 1
2058 (S43) Yeti 16 128 0
2059 (S44) Hahalua 16 103 1
2060 (S45) Hahalua 16 117 1
2061 (S46) Hahalua 11 71 0
Outlaws 5 25 0

Controversies

Drug abuse rumours

Remi has been subject to rumours of drug addiction since his late teens, when he was not selected to represent Team GB in equitation or shooting, despite his obvious skill in both. The prevailing theory at the time was that Remi was fond of using beta blockers such as Propranolol, which would have earned him a ban and disqualification from the Olympics. Domestic shooting competitions in South Africa had less stringent drug testing, however, and therefore he was safe to compete in those.

These rumours would persist into his twenties, and his ostrich racing career. While at King's College, travelling back and forth between England and South Africa to participate in the Elite Ostrich Racing series, it was considered an open secret on the circuit that both Remi and his close-friend-cum-rival Caspian Crawforde-Kingsley were prone to taking a drug cocktail known as "Leilani" – consisting of a designer nootropic drug called "Razor", and the opioid oxycodone. As it was well-known that Remi was friendly with the likes of Trevor Solomon and Lirandzu Nyalara – both high-ranking members of notorious Cape Town gangs known for their distribution of Razor – and that he seldom, if ever, actually completed a drug test, the rumours gained traction.

Upon his move to Colorado, it was insinuated that he employed a "fixer" – known to the Colorado Yeti management – to procure oxycodone and other narcotics for him. During the offseason prior to the 2059 (S44) ISFL season, Remi was known to have met with Andre Ronovan – a Russian defector previously known as Andrey Roanov, who now operates a "crisis management" firm – in Baltimore. Ronovan's reputation as a fixer is well-known, and rumours surrounding his connection to drug trafficking are rife, leading to further speculation that Remi may be involved in the procurement and/or sale of illegal narcotics. Suspicions were compounded when Ronovan's firm acquired a shipping company operating out of Honolulu shortly before Remi was traded to the Hahalua in 2059 (S44).

No serious investigations into these allegations have taken place to date.

Alleged murder

During his time in South Africa, Remi was implicated in the deaths of three members of the Johannesburg Rainmen (or JBRs) – known distributors of Razor, in a well-known conflict with the South African branches of international crime syndicate Black Axe. He was known to carry a legally registered firearm, and when questioned by police, stated that was "assailed by some street thugs" and had attempted to use his firearm in self-defence, but was unable to. When questioned about his relative lack of injury, Remi stated that "other street thugs arrived and engaged in a violent altercation", which distracted his assailants and gave him the opportunity to escape.

Faced with a lack of credible evidence, and facing a possible diplomatic incident if they were to falsely accuse the adopted son of the King of Great Britain, the police did not press charges. Six weeks later, Remi's gun resurfaced, and a known member of the Black Axe was arrested for the murders, and sentenced to life imprisonment. Remi was spotted in the public gallery during the trial, leading some to suggest that he had used his friendship with Trevor Solomon – an alleged Black Axe brother – to arrange for someone else to take the fall.

Alleged organised crime involvement

While living in Tokyo, Remi struck up a friendship with a number of members of the Kokonoe sumo stable. In addition, he was frequently seen visiting hostess clubs in Kabukichō, where he would spend large amounts of money. When several lower-ranked Kokonoe rikishi were defeated on the same day, in bouts they had all been favoured to win, some believed that Remi may have used his friendship to influence results to favour his friends in Kabukichō.

Nothing could be substantiated, but Remi was no longer welcome at the Kokonoe house as a result, to avoid the appearance of impropriety. He admitted that this rankled, when later competing in an amateur sumo tournament himself, and his friendship with the Kokonoe stable was reaffirmed, albeit at a much lower level of familiarity than before.

RAMS-Art.png

An artistic rendition of Remi and Siphiwe, commissioned by the former, based on the anonymous tip, c. 2057

Wildlife trafficking allegations

In 2056, Remi was the subject of a federal investigation into wildlife trafficking, after an anonymous tip. The compound he maintained in Edgewater – where his former racing ostrich Siphiwe was housed – was raided in the early hours of October 7th, 2041. Officers would later reveal that they had been in search of a "large black-feathered bird, something between an emu and a giant crow" which reports suggested had been seen on the property. It would later transpire that the bird in question was in fact, Siphiwe – for whom Remi had all the necessary permits and licenses. The anonymous source was believed to have seen Siphiwe in limited light, and thus misinterpreted what they saw.

The FBI did not drop the investigation immediately, however, and would again instigate a raid on Musgrave-Smythe on November 30th, 2056 – this time simultaneously at his condo in Denver, and a storage facility he maintained nearby – in search of exotic meats. Reports indicated that Remi – via his familial connections and position of standing within Denver, as a professional athlete – was facilitating the trafficking of wildlife for the Yakuza, and South African gangsters in order to supply gourmands and so-called "rare hunters". No exotic meats were found, though both Remi and his chef at the time, Raymond Fournier, were subject to gruelling interrogations lasting through the night. Fournier quit immediately after the incident, and returned to France, citing "psychological trauma".

Assault and battery charges

On multiple occasions throughout his adulthood, Remi has been arrested on suspicion of assault and battery, though the charges were dropped in every case. Most notably, in South Africa, Remi was arrested on suspicion of assault and battery after Caspian Crawforde-Kingsley was hospitalised with severe injuries from blunt force trauma, including a punctured lung, several broken ribs, a fractured orbital bone, and a fractured skull. Remi called mutual friend Lysander Blythe-Ashburnum – later Baron Leveretts – to act as his legal counsel at this time. Charges against Remi were later dropped, for reasons not made public.

Another notable incident occurred in a bar in Denver, on December 1st 2056. The police report states that Musgrave-Smythe was detained following a violent altercation, in which another patron was left with a fractured skull and a cervical fracture. He was released the following day, and travelled with his team to Yellowknife, where he put in a poor performance of just three pancakes, allowing a sack on Live Laughlove in a 28–17 victory on December 3rd, 2056. Charges were dropped the following week, and Remi paid an out-of-court settlement to cover medical bills for the other patron.

Achievements and Records

Awards

Team
Individual
  • ISFL Pro Bowl Selection (5): 2054 , 2055 , 2057 , 2058 , 2059
  • ISFL All-Pro Second Team Selection: 2055
  • DSFL All-Pro First Team Selection: 2053
  • X-Sector Asia Offensive Lineman of the Year: 2050
  • X-Sector Asia Offensive Rookie of the Year: 2049
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