Goat Tank

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Goat Tank
Image of Goat Tank
No. 35 – Retired
Position:Running Back
Personal information
Born: (2017-04-01)April 1, 2017 (aged 44)
Corning, Iowa, U.S.
Height:6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)
Weight:310 lb (141 kg)
Username:Eldorian
Career information
College:Iowa
ISFL Draft:2040 / Round: 1 / Pick: 11
DSFL Draft:2039 / Round: 1 / Pick: 3
Career history
Myrtle Beach Buccaneers Orange County Otters
Roster status:Retired
Career highlights and awards

Goat Tank (born April 1, 2017) was an American football defensive tackle. He played college football for Iowa (UI).

Early years

At the age of 10 Goat Tank's family moved. Nothing really far away, the same away. Dick Tank had purchased his own farm and put Goat to work. Goat would help with the livestock and hay bales and do a lot of work to help out which helped make Goat pretty strong. It also helped that he was a taller kid than most, too. He was pretty big for his age. However, he was a gentle giant. Growing up as a black kid with a black family in the middle of no where predominately white Iowa, he was taught to not make trouble out of fear of what could happen.

In middle school he was asked to try out for the junior high football team. He ended up not because he was afraid of hitting other kids, even though it was allowed. He never told his dad that he was interested in football even though his dad would always listen to the Iowa games on the radio out on the tractor every Saturday. Goat would listen in as well, pretending to be playing.

Freshman year he was approached again to play and e declined. The coach knew though that Goat Tank's size and strength would be a huge asset to the team and talked to Dick Tank about his son. Dick talked to Goat and it was at that point that Goat admitted he would love to play football. His father was so excited and encouraged him to try out for the sport. Goat did and was immediately mocked by the other kids. They knew him as the gentle giant and run at him thinking he wouldn't do anything to them.

They forgot one thing though.

Goat Tank.

Part Tank? Yes.

Every try to his a tank? It's not recommended. Ever see a tank roll over other objects smaller than them with ease? Yeah, Goat Tank was like that too. He dominated on his team. He dominated in the conference and he dominated at state.

He dominated so much he was awarded a scholarship to Iowa University like his father.

College career

He dominated so much he was awarded a scholarship to Iowa University like his father.

The difference here is, Goat Tank had learned from his father on what not to do. Goat Tank grew up with learning a hard work ethic. Goat Tank wasn't expecting to be going to school on a sports scholarship when he was growing up and didn't take any of it for granted.

He dominated at Iowa.

He's going to pro football early. He'll graduate college later.

He terrorizes quarterbacks. He knocks them around, he sacks them, he knocks down their passes. He was one of the greatest at doing so in Iowa and he's ready to take it to the next level.

Goat Tank.

Part Goat? No.

All GOAT. Yes.

Greatest of All Tanks.

College career statistics

Career statistics Defense
Season Team Games Tck TFL FF/FR Sck Int PD Sfty TD Blk P/XP/FG
2035 Iowa 13 32 7 0/0 3 0 3 0 0 0/0/0
2036 Iowa 12 26 4 0/0 3 0 3 0 0 0/0/0
2037 Iowa 13 44 8 0/0 3 0 4 0 0 0/0/0

DSFL career

Goat Tank entered waivers in S23 in the DSFL and was picked up by the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers. He played 4 games for them to end out the season and managed 8 total tackles during that time. While his stats weren't impressive he had just joined the team and was thrown in with the squad immediately and had to learn on the fly.

During the first round of the DSFL draft, the Buccaneers had the 3rd pick and Goat Tank impressed them enough that they immediately took him. He would pay dividends to the pick as he would go on to have a great season and was awarded the Defensive Tackle of the Year, Defensive Rookie of the Year, and was also nominated for Defensive Player of the Year. He had an incredible season and was hyped up to go early in the NSFL draft.

Goat Tank had some controversy in his inaugural season in the DSFL with his social media account. He had a deal to get paid for posts he was making and as a way to easily meet those goals each week he would just post GOAT TANK on his Twitter account once a day. While technically there were no rules against this, he was not getting paid for it and was eventually told he needed to put more effort into his social media in order to get paid. This caused several members across the DSFL to take to their twitter accounts and show support to Goat Tank and even at one point had the hashtag FREEGOATTANK trending. Unfortunately the branding manager did not go back on their words and Goat Tank has had to make modifications to what he posts on Twitter moving forward.

Pre-draft measurables
Ht Wt 40‑yd dash 20‑ss 3‑cone Vert jump Broad BP Wonderlic
6 ft 5 in
(1.96 m)
310 lb
(141 kg)
4.39 s 4.28 s 7.11 s 33.3 in
(0.85 m)
10 ft 6 in
(3.20 m)
35 reps 12

DSFL career statistics

Use this page to get the stats table template.

Career statistics Defense
Season Team Games Tck TFL FF/FR Sck Int PD Sfty TD Blk P/XP/FG
2038 (S23) Buccaneers 4 8 0 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 0/0/0
2039 (S24) Buccaneers 14 59 2 3/3 7 0 0 1 0 0/0/0

ISFL career

Career statistics Defense
Season Team Games Tck TFL FF/FR Sck Int PD Sfty TD Blk P/XP/FG
2040 (S25) Otters 16 52 5 0/0 7 0 0 0 0 0/0/0
2041 (S26) Otters 16 55 5 0/0 4 0 0 1 0 0/0/0
2042 (S27) Otters 16 48 0 0/0 6 0 0 0 0 0/0/0
2043 (S28) Otters 16 37 3 3/1 4 0 0 0 0 0/0/0
Career Statistics Rushing Receiving Offensive Line
Season Team GP Att Yds Avg Long TD Rec Yds Long TD Pancakes Sacks Allowed
2044 (S29) OCO 16 279 1234 4.4 75 11 49 381 29 2 45 4
2045 (S30) OCO 16 343 1460 4.3 55 15 49 549 75 1 57 4
2046 (S31) OCO 16 390 1586 4.1 53 19 47 493 75 5 32 5
2047 (S32) BER 16 311 1531 4.9 67 12 30 290 34 6 33 2
2048 (S33) BER 16 372 1606 4.3 54 21 41 435 69 2 25 3
2049 (S34) BER 16 341 1701 5.0 75 10 46 271 17 3 22 2
2050 (S35) BER 16 344 1484 4.3 58 8 43 320 21 2 21 2


Goat Tank was expected by nearly every analyst to be a top 5 pick in the S25 draft, but he dropped all the way to pick 11 in the first round to the Orange County Otters. It was said on media day that Orange County GMs had actually attempted to trade up in the draft for Goat Tank expecting him to go early, but somehow he still managed to drop down to them. Goat Tank did immediately go to social media and decry the first 10 teams that passed on him and that they will regret doing so.

Goat Tank's season in Season 34 resulted in him rushing for over 1700 yards, something that has not been accomplished since the 10th season of the league and has only been accomplished 2 other times. He was nominated for Running Back of the Year and also MVP but fell short in both of those awards. He didn't even get a single first place vote in either category despite such a feat. He was also nominated for offensive performance of the year by rushing over 230 yards and scoring 4 touchdowns in a game and narrowly missed that award as well. Goat Tank was able to carry his team to an 11-4-1 season and win their first playoff game before losing in the final minute in the conference championship game to Chicago. Needless to say Goat Tank's performance was one that will be for the ages and another season of just missed opportunities as well.

As Goat Tank approaches the twilight of his career in S35 he was able to still amass 1484 rushing yards but only was able to find the endzone 8 times rushing and twice receiving. This brought his total rushing touchdowns to 96 rushing and 117 total which puts him 7th and 8th all time respectively. Berlin was able to finish 8-8 on the year and barely missed out of the playoffs by losing their final game of the season. Goat Tank has also rushed for over 10,000 yards in his career which has only been done by 8 other individuals and puts him currently 8th all time on that list. With another season or 2 it's apparent that Goat Tank will reach into the top 5 in these all time categories but will likely not have a chance at breaking the career records. There is still something left in the tank though, and it might be more goats.

Achievements and records

Use this section as an example.

Nominated
Awarded