Delores Bickerman

Delores Bickerman

No. 18 – Austin Copperheads
Position:	Wide Receiver
Personal information
Born:	(1973-05-28)May 28, 1973 (aged 88) New Canada, Maine, U.S.
Height:	5 ft 11 in (1.80 m)
Weight:	195 lb (88 kg)
Username:	Kyamprac
Career information
College:	University of Florida
ISFL Draft:	2052 / Round: 1 / Pick: 4
DSFL Draft:	2051 / Round: 2 / Pick: 14
Career history
Tijuana Luchadores (2051 (S36)) Austin Copperheads (2052 (S37)-
Roster status:	Active

Delores Bickerman (born May 28, 1973) is an American football wide receiver who is currently preparing to enter the professional ranks. She played college football for University of Florida (UF) and has declared her intent to enter the professional ranks next season.

Early years

Delores Bickerman was born in May, 1973 in New Canada, Maine. She grew up with her grandparents in a quaint cottage on the north shore of Lake Placid, a deep dark lake that many supposed was home to some kind of mythical creature. Of course many people dismissed this as complete bunk, but Delores knew exactly what that creature was. Growing up, she spent hours sitting on the dock with her grandmother throwing bits of scrap food into the lake for a baby crocodile. As she grew older, so too did the crocodile.. as well as its hunger for bigger and better things. Unfortunately for Delores, the crocodile claimed both of her grandparents one after the other during its routine feedings. Over time, the croc also began to pursue other townsfolk who were unlucky enough to be spending time out on the lake during its normal feeding time. In an effort to curb this behaviour, Delores took it upon herself to care for the crocodile and provide it with more fulsome meals in the form of entire cows instead of just spare scraps from the kitchen. In her mind, continuing to care for the creature meant she was honouring her family and a time old tradition she shared with her grandparents.. even if it was kind of responsible for their deaths. Despite her best efforts to satisfy the crocodile with cows and prevent it from attacking people from the town, however, the beast only got more vicious with time and claimed more lives. Delores tried her best to hide the cause of all the missing persons in the town to protect the crocodile as it continued its rampage, but the police started to catch on and she decided it might be best to feed the beast one last time, say a fond farewell, and flee the town before they discovered her involvement. When Delores fled Lake Placid, she wanted to go somewhere that felt familiar. Parts of Florida weren't all that different from her home town in many ways, so she figured that might be the best place to start. Some people from her home town questioned why she was leaving the area in such a rush after spending her whole life there, so she enrolled in courses at the University of Florida and explained that she decided to pursue a degree in biology. Many people thought she was crazy for enrolling at such an old age, but she waved them off as being a bunch of ageist jerks who would hopefully be eaten by her crocodile soon anyways. Still, enrolling at University was a fun next step for her and a great cover story for the police if they questioned her leaving.

College career

In her time at the University of Florida, Delores loved to take breaks from studying to watch the football team practice. The whole sport was kind of an enigma to her - she had never before watched or participated in anything resembling football as she was always too busy helping her grandparents care for the crocodile and their small farm near the lake. Everyday she spent more and more time around the University football team, and showed a huge amount of enthusiasm for everything they did. One day, the coach invited her out on the field to participate in practice. His intention was just to make the old lady's day, but it turned out she could actually play and made some of his players look like total fools on the field as she caught long passes and outran the defense. She joked it was because she liked the name of the team and the uniform (they were the Florida Gators, after all), but it turned out she really was something special. After a few practices, Delores earned a permanent spot on the roster. Other teams constantly underestimated the 77 year old receiver and she responded by completely trouncing them at every play. She became one of the best receivers in college football, and probably one of the most popular in social media due to her unusual age and feisty attitude out on the field. Noticing all the positive buzz around her situation, the DSFL encouraged her to declare for the upcoming draft. Delores realized they were probably encouraging her to do this as part of some publicity stunt to get people more interested in the league, but she agreed to do it and planned to make a splash.

College career statistics

Career statistics			Receiving
Season	Team	Games	Rec	Yards	Avg	Lg	TD
2050 (S35)	UF	12	62	1027	16.6	66	9

Professional career

DSFL career

Delores Bickerman was selected 14 overall by the Tijuana Luchadores in the Season 36 draft. Some applauded the Luchadores for recognizing talent in unlikely places, while others memed the team endlessly for picking someone like Delores to play on their team. The naysayers didn't deter Delores or Tijuana, though, as she was immediately placed in a leadership role on the team as their new quarterback. When asked if she could play the position by the coaching staff, she just smiled and responded with "Well... I can catch the ball, how hard could it really be to throw it?" and that seemed to satisfy them enough in combination with how quickly she picked things up in training camp.

From that point on the Luchadores had an amazing season with Bickerman at the helm. They went undefeated into week 12, losing only the last two games of the regular season. Even the Portland Pythons, another team on the rise in S36, were no match for the Luchas. After defeating the Pythons in both matchups during the regular season, Tijuana further cemented themselves as the best team in the league with a 27-3 victory over Portland in the Ultimini Final. By the end of it all, Delores had proven herself to be an Ultimini champion and one of the best quarterbacks in the league in her rookie season.

ISFL career

Season 37

The Austin Copperheads selected Delores Bickerman fourth overall in the Season 37 draft and called her up to the ISFL very shortly after. The GMs of the team joked that, with her age, they only had so much time to use her talents out on the football field.. so she needed to come to the big leagues as soon as possible. Many of her ongoing critics laughed at the decision of Austin to select a fragile old lady and created memes mocking them for bringing Bickerman onto the roster so soon.. but she would continue to prove them all wrong in the days ahead. Going into Season 37, Delores returned to her role as a wide receiver and, while the team overall didn't have the best record, she took on a large role in helping them obtain what successes they did have. Bickerman shared the load with the team's other star receivers, Johnny Patey and Zaphod Beeblebrox, and caught 120 passes for 1,263 yards and 4 touchdowns in her rookie year.

Season 38

Delores Bickerman built on the success from her first season and put up more yards and significantly more touchdowns than the last. In fact, she led the league in receiving touchdowns with 15 and had some pretty stellar single game performances. Of course this wasn't enough to satisfy her critics, who continued to mock Austin for drafting such an old lady.. and made damn sure she didn't make it onto any awards ballots by the end of it all, noting her lower average efficiency as their rationale and grumbling about the league turning into a senior's circus. Initially her teammates weren't overly keen either; Zaphod Beeblebrox was a little miffed that she may have poached a touchdown here and there, but he couldn't stay mad at her sweet old lady charms for very long. The pair of them built some really solid chemistry over the course of the season that would become more valuable as Johnny Patey's career approached its end.

Season 39

As she progressed through her third professional season in the ISFL, Delores got a little distracted and her performance waivered in comparison to the prior year as a result. She received word from one of her trusted sources in Florida that her precious crocodile, vicious as it was, ended up having baby crocodiles in her absence. Distraught that she couldn't be there to feed and protect them from hunters and police determined to take them down, Delores had a hard time focusing on football for a time and scored just 9 touchdowns all season. As she gained more positive news about the baby crocs, she quickly recovered and managed to keep up with the other receivers in the league well enough to earn here a spot on the First All Pro Team. It wasn't quite enough to get the Copperheads through the post-season though, where she caught just 4 passes and scored one touchdown in their lone matchup against New Orleans.

Season 40

Going into her fourth season Delores performed much the same as the last, putting up just 7 touchdowns in the regular season and another 1300 or so yards. Although the Copperheads made it one game into the post-season again, her presence in the game wasn't all that noticeable as she caught just 3 passes for 43 yards and no touchdowns. ISFL analysts came up with a number of theories for why her performance didn't improve all that much from last season, but more often than not they fell back on the old argument that maybe she's just getting too old to play the game. Delores was okay with that argument, though, because it drew attention from all the time she was spending babysitting little crocs between games. No one could learn the truth of how she continued to feed and nurture the monsters in her spare time, so she was more than happy to blame her faltering numbers on age. Of course, even with a lower producing season Delores still proved herself to be a great receiver in the league and she once again found herself on the First All Pro Team by the end of it all.. causing some to retract their old age arguments once more.

Professional career statistics

Career statistics			Passing								Rushing
Season	Team	Games	Comp	Att	Yards	Pct	Lg	TD	Int	Rating	Att	Yards	Avg	Lg	TD
2051 (S36)	Luchadores	14	276	436	3180	63.3	87	35	13	99.6	8	20	2.5	6	0

Career statistics			Receiving
Season	Team	Games	Rec	Yards	Avg	Lg	TD
2052 (S37)	AUS	16	120	1263	10.5	71	4
2053 (S38)	AUS	16	121	1402	11.6	51	15
2054 (S39)	AUS	16	83	1333	16.1	67	9
2055 (S40)	AUS	16	89	1360	15.3	51	7

Achievements and records

Awards

Team

• Season 36 Ultimini Champion

Individual

• Season 36 DSFL All-Pro Team Quarterback
• Season 36 DSFL Offensive Rookie of the Year
• Season 36 DSFL Offensive Player of the Year
• Season 39 ISFL All Pro Team Receiver
• Season 40 ISFL All Pro Team Receiver